The Crossroads Conundrum
by sheburns1
Summary: Future!fic! Sheldon, Penny, and Leonard all thought they knew exactly what they wanted, but with a big change on the way, all three begin to question themselves, and each of them is lead in a direction they had not anticipated. Completed.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** The Crossroads Conundrum

**Part 1:** Sheldon  
**Author:** she_burns1  
**Pairing:** Sheldon/Penny, Leonard/Penny  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count:** 1,118**  
****Summary:** Future!fic! Sheldon, Penny, and Leonard all thought they knew exactly what they wanted, but with a big change on the way, all three begin to question themselves, and each of them is lead in a direction they had not anticipated.  
**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended.

_To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead _- **Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)**

Sheldon Cooper was one of the smartest men in the United States.

Debate often arouse as to where exactly he placed overall – he couldn't claim to be _the_ smartest man in the United States (even as much as he would like to) because there were so many factors to consider - other sciences, atypical knowledge, things of this sort.

He was sure, if he wanted to – if he took the time – he could probably do the research and the math to perfectly place it. To figure it out. But it wasn't a focus; it was just something of a lark, so he never gave it much thought.

But it had come to mind lately.

Actually, it had come to mind approximately two weeks, four _hours_, forty mi_nutes_ and fifty-three seconds ago.

_But who's counting_? His mind asked quietly and his lips jerked a bit in one corner.

Sarcasm.

The concept had become quite clear over the past few years – how could it not? Given everything that had happened…everything that had changed…

For a moment his memory flash to a Saturday night, a warm laundry room, and blonde hair but he quickly tucked the arrant thoughts away. It was best to keep things as compartmentalized as possible.

Considering the trip he was undertaking, it was best if he kept his mind sharp and more aptly focused. He sensed another kind of sarcasm in this. As if this had all been planned – as if he had known exactly what he had been doing in the dark, early hours of the morning when he had packed his things.

But it was frightening to think otherwise.

Terrifying.

Sheldon Cooper never did anything without considerable planning.

He never just tossed some neatly folded clothing and other essentials in a bag and left his apartment with no clear destination in mind. He never just went to the train station and bought a random ticket to a random location. That would be madness and he had been tested for that. He was perfectly sane.

What he was doing was…perfectly natural.

He had been working hard, after all. The mysteries of heterotic string theory didn't just unravel themselves. It made perfect sense that he needed rest – some time off from work. Though, in point of fact, he had actually been off from work approximately three weeks, two _hours_, twelve mi_nutes_ and thirty-seven seconds ago.

All of them had.

Leonard, Howard, Raj – there had been too much to do, so they had all taken a leave of absence. So much preparation, so much planning, so much bother.

And he wasn't even going to be there to see it.

Sheldon shifted his messenger bag about his shoulder as he searched the cabin for an optimal seat. It was still early, so he was, thankfully, the only person aboard the train. Frankly, he would be very pleased if he was the only person aboard it period.

A nice quiet trip. Serene and….empty wasn't quite the word he wanted to use, but it was the word that came to mind and he reluctantly settled with it, as he needed to concentrate most of his attention on where he was going to be seated for the long trip rather than on what adjective was best to use.

Once the perfect seat was found and he was seated, he noticed that his legs sort of stretched out before him, long and resigned. He knew he should sit up. Slouching was an improper form of posture (non-neutral spine) causing static strain on the muscles – it was known to cause decreased alertness, varicose veins…

_Saturday night, a warm laundry room, blonde hair, a voice._

Sheldon stayed like he was.

Instead, he turned his head slightly and looked out the window.

The sun was slowly starting to rise – orange and pink illuminating the sky, a frosty blue starting to blend its way in. It was going to be a beautiful day. Close to what others would call perfection. There would be even more of a rush now. Two apartments overflowing with excitement and nerves and fine dress.

He was glad he was not there to see it.

The note he had left on his neatly made bed would answer any questions as well as give detailed instructions to Howard, who would, more likely than not, take his place. This wasn't something he was proud of, but it would have to do. Given the circumstances.

He reached into his bag and drew out a journal as well as a pen. The journal was filled with bits and pieces of equations, incomplete mathematics. Even in light of his excursion, he certainly didn't want to abandon his work entirely.

His work was everything.

His work, his science, they were life.

_His_ life.

And perhaps concentrating on his work would help his thought process to be more streamlined. More practical. If he could just throw himself into it, get lost in the numbers and conjectures.

But all he did was stare at his theorems and part of him felt as if they were mocking him.

No. It wasn't that that was mocking him. It was-

_Saturday, laundry room, blonde hair, a voice in a tone he'd never heard it take before._

He blinked and sighed, finally sitting up to put away his journal before folding his arms. He rigidly ignored the fact that he was rubbing at them as if he was cold. As if he was uncomfortable.

Why was he doing this?

He looked outside at the rising sun.

He looked around the train he currently sat in.

He thought about the train map neatly folded in his pocket. The ticket. The trip. The…insanity of what he was doing.

All unplanned. All not part of his schedule.

He should be collapsing. He should be falling apart.

Maybe he was.

Sheldon looked out the window again and thought of Leonard and Howard and Raj and-

_A voice in a tone he'd never heard it take before, saying his name._

Big day soon.

Big, big day.

He blinked and thought of a woman in white.

Sighing again, he leaned back in his seat, clutching his arms tightly.

He had made the right decision.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** The Crossroads Conundrum

**Part 2:** Penny  
**Author:** she_burns1  
**Pairing:** Sheldon/Penny, Leonard/Penny  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count:** 1,713**  
****Summary:** Future!fic! Sheldon, Penny, and Leonard all thought they knew exactly what they wanted, but with a big change on the way, all three begin to question themselves, and each of them is lead in a direction they had not anticipated.  
**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended.

_Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command _- **Alan Watts**

The one thing no one had ever anticipated was that things would go well.

Penny thought of this as she brushed her hair and stared in her bathroom mirror. She had been brushing her hair and staring into the mirror for, what felt like, centuries now.

There was so much to do.

Too much to do.

And here she was, brushing her hair and staring at her reflection and thinking about how things had gone well. Not fantastic. Not amazing. Just…well.

Time was such a strange thing. She was sure one of the guys could explain it to her in big, scientific terms but to her, it just felt like time was a rubber band. Sometimes it was close together and malleable and at other times it seemed stretched and far in between.

Right now, it seemed like the former – so quick, so…rubbery in her mind. She made a face at this thought and her mind flashed quickly to Sheldon and how he would disapprove of such a description.

Sheldon.

She shook her head and sighed as she finally put down the brush. She looked away from her reflection and was surprised at how…relieved, she felt by doing that. As if she couldn't bear to look at herself anymore.

Penny took in a deep breath and licked her lips as she rolled her head about her shoulders. She felt tense. She needed to relax. It wouldn't do for her to stress out. Especially with the big day so close.

The big day.

She should be excited. No, no, she _was_ excited. Wasn't she? Of course she was. What woman wouldn't be excited to be getting married? And she had nothing to worry about. She had made the right decision. No, scratch that, she had made a _fantastic_ decision.

Penny exited her bathroom and went out into her tiny apartment. She smiled at the numerous, tiny white baskets that seemed to cover any free surface in her apartment – her kitchen table, her couch – little white baskets with penny blossoms and candy inside, wrapped in clear plastic, white ribbons tying them off.

She sat at her kitchen table and picked one up, turning it in her hands this way and that, admiring it. They were just like she had envisioned them. Wonderful favors. She looked along the ribbon and saw the neatly printed gold letters.

Leonard and Penny.

No one had ever anticipated that things would go well.

Not even her.

It had been a few years ago. They had come back from the Artic and she had missed them so much. She had missed _him_ so much. Leonard Hofstadter. Good ol' Leonard. He had always been so easy to talk to. And he had always been there for her. And he had always thought her so…important.

It had just seemed natural to try again.

After all, what did she have to lose?

Sure, she wasn't as smart as he was, but, in his own way, he wasn't as smart as she was either and she just – she thought she should try again.

Because, frankly, Penny was tried of failure.

She knew, deep down, that, in many, many ways, she had failed. Failed enormously and failed often.

She had failed to please her father.

She had failed to complete college.

She had failed to get a job as an actress.

She had failed to get in a relationship with a smart, sensitive man who also happened to look like a gorgeous, male-model.

She had just…failed.

So, Penny had decided to try something that maybe she _wouldn't_ fail at. Their first date had been a disaster, but maybe if they just tried again, maybe a second time, it would work.

And it did.

The second time.

It worked.

Once she had stopped worrying so much about being as smart as he was, things with Leonard had been…nice. Nice and simple. And after a few nice dates, they had settled comfortably into being a couple.

He was an attentive boyfriend. And the sex wasn't bad. It wasn't earth shattering, but it met her needs. It was okay. And he was warm and sweet and not bad to look at.

It was…good.

She was happy.

Well, happy enough.

Satisfied.

Besides, it always did give her a bit of a thrill when they went to some science function and he showed her off. Not that there was much competition to beat. But it was always nice to feel like the most beautiful girl in the room. She worried about what that said about her – she had never thought of herself as the kind of girl who was just 'eye candy' or 'arm candy' or what have you…but she wasn't going to deny it felt gratifying to see Leonard showing her off a bit.

Leonard.

Poor, poor Leonard.

So sweet, so nice.

He deserved something good in his life. _Someone_ good. And she had been that person. She _was_ that person. And he was the same for her. They worked together. It was good. It was functional.

More often than not they did what they always had done, but now there was someone to kiss, someone to hold, someone to be intimate with should the need arise. And it was something of a relief, not to have to search for a person to do those things with, not to have to _date_.

And Penny all ready knew Leonard's friends and family and for him, well, she had introduced him to some of her friends and it had gone okay. They had sort of balked at him at first – the whole 'he's not your type' - but it had all worked out.

After all, Penny wasn't getting any younger and most of her friends were all ready dropping the club and bar scene for weddings and babies and so on. Last she had heard, this was what it was called to 'grow up'.

She had had to do that at some point, right?

Grow up.

So, being with Leonard, being in a relationship with him, it was a good thing. A grown up thing. It was safe.

She felt safe.

She felt good.

She felt nice.

She felt…well.

And agreeing to marry him, that had just been the next step, it was just moving forward. It was progress.

Penny put the basket down and rested her elbow on the table, her face resting against the palm of her hand. She didn't want to, but she did, she closed her eyes.

_It was Saturday night. She walked barefoot down to the laundry room, basket rested on one hip. It was all ready a humid night and the machines were putting out extra warmth, but surprisingly it didn't feel sticky or uncomfortable it just felt sort of…dreamlike._

_She entered the room and smirked, seeing Sheldon. Every Saturday night. Like clockwork. There he was, methodically loading one of the washing machines. Her head felt sort of light, nerves on edge (jittering) but she ignored it._

_He turned and there was that look on his face. That look like he had a strange taste in his mouth and he wasn't sure whether it was a good one or a bad one. Then he just sort of nodded his head, "Penny."_

Penny opened her eyes and felt terribly heavy.

Sheldon.

From the moment she had started dating Leonard, she had always assumed Sheldon would be a big problem. Even before they had dated, he had always been…overwhelming. But after? Oh, she had expected the worst.

She had imagined signing contract after contract of rules (no sleeping over, no leaving articles of her clothing on the premises, no public-displays-of-affection). She had imagined his becoming a thorn in their side. A sort of adopted, wayward child attached to their relationship.

After all, he had certainly been a hindrance to Leonard's past relationships (Leslie, Stephanie), she didn't imagine she would be exempt.

And, of course, Sheldon had had his moments. It hadn't been easy. But eventually it had smoothed over. Because, after all, as annoying as Sheldon could be, at the end of the day he was Leonard's friend. And as his friend, he knew how much this relationship meant to him.

And so, for the most part, Sheldon had been rather supportive of Leonard's relationship with Penny.

It had been…settled.

And, Penny didn't know why…

But that…

Well…

It was just, sometimes, that left her feeling _unsettled_.

Which made absolutely no sense.

No sense whatsoever.

Or at least it hadn't, until-

_Warmth and warm, warm air holding the scent of fabric softener. __Long fingers reaching out, tucking away a stray strand of her hair behind her ear, brushing her cheek, blinking blue eyes and a voice, a voice so normally cooled and assured and put together. A voice that this time trembled, "I don't know why I did that. My…apologies."_

Penny swallowed thickly and her eyes felt hot and suddenly she was so upset, so _angry,_ she could barely stand it.

She rubbed at her face, cursing.

Her eyes fell on the boxes and suddenly she hated them. Hated them almost as much as she hated herself.

_I made the right decision_, she thought emphatically, _I love Leonard_.

She shook her head, and more than anything in the world, she wished she didn't sound so desperate in her own mind.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** The Crossroads Conundrum

**Part 3:** Leonard  
**Author:** she_burns1  
**Pairing:** Sheldon/Penny, Leonard/Penny  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count:****  
****Summary:** Future!fic! Sheldon, Penny, and Leonard all thought they knew exactly what they wanted, but with a big change on the way, all three begin to question themselves, and each of them is lead in a direction they had not anticipated.  
**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended.

_Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity _-**Henry Bromel**

Leonard had never imagined he would be this lucky.

As of right now, everything in his life was perfect.

Perfect.

Or at least, it was the picture of it.

He went into the kitchen and made himself a bowl of cereal. He looked at the couch and frowned, eyebrows knitted together.

Odd.

Sheldon should have been awake by now.

He should have been awake and on the couch in his spot watching television. Or, at the very least, in his spot, eating his breakfast and looking up at a newly woken Leonard and criticizing his cereal choice.

"_Leonard! You can't have that much fiber! Don't forget you have a big day coming soon and that much fiber-"_

And then Leonard would tune him out and make what he wanted to eat anyway.

But there was no Sheldon.

Just a sort of…ghost.

Leonard's frown dissolved as he sat at the bar to eat. He probably should be grateful. A few moments of silence. Still. It was odd.

Leonard shook his head and moved his thoughts over to Penny and their impending wedding.

The church had been booked, the reception hall. Everything was coming together nicely. And Penny certainly seemed happy. _Seemed happy_, Leonard's thoughts hissed at him, sort of highlighting it and he sighed, putting down his spoon and rubbing at his eyes.

He needed to stop this.

How long had he been with Penny now?

It had been long _enough_, or at least, so he had thought, to ask her to marry him and she had said 'yes'. He still couldn't believe that. That she had said 'yes'.

And he had asked her because – well – he loved her.

Of course he loved her, how could he not?

She was beautiful and funny and sweet and…he would never meet another girl like her. He would never be involved in a relationship with another girl like her. She made him feel…wonderful.

Handsome.

Fantastic.

But then she wasn't…

Things with Penny were good.

They were _good_.

But, sometimes, quietly, he wondered if good was, for lack of a better term, good _enough_. He wondered how happy Penny actually was in their relationship. And, what was worse, he wondered how happy _he_ actually was.

Was this the way it was supposed to be?

Was this how love was?

Wasn't there supposed to be…more?

It wasn't as if there hadn't been fireworks and excitement and that bubbling euphoria of passion and sex, that flying feeling, in the beginning of their relationship. But it didn't seem to last very long.

Once he realized he was dating her, _really_ dating her, it had just sort of…settled.

It had become, oh god, he hated to think 'stagnant' but it was the first word that came to mind and he was glad he had put the spoon down because if he was eating his cereal he was certain it would taste like ashes right about now.

This was ridiculous.

He was being ridiculous.

Maybe it was just cold feet.

Yes, that was all it was…

He loved Penny. He _loved_ her. He was going to marry her. For Christ's sake, their wedding was so close. _Too_ close.

This was what he wanted.

What he _always_ wanted.

Leonard sighed, teeth worrying his bottom lip. He could make Penny happy. He _did_ make her happy. She made him happy too. Right? They loved one another.

Perfect job. Perfect friends. Perfect wife. It would be like he had always imagined it. Who could ask for anything more?

But for some reason Leonard just kept thinking of all those people out there. The world population, growing and amassing, bigger and bigger. He thought of that and of some faceless woman out there. Some woman who would make him feel…more complete.

He shook his head.

Ridiculous.

_Penny_ made him feel complete.

There was no one else.

There never would be.

This was what _he_ wanted, what _she_ wanted.

But two weeks ago…

It had been a Saturday night and she had left his apartment to go to do her laundry and then turn in, sleep at her own place for once, and he had nodded and given her a quick goodnight kiss.

But then, then she had come back to him. She had come into his room, late at night, crawling into his bed and touching him, kissing him and instead, instead, they had made love and it had been so frenzied, so desperate, so…

It was as if…

It was as if she was trying _so_ hard. So, _so_ hard. To make it _work_, to make it _good_. And worst of all…it had been as if _he_ had been trying too. As if he had noticed something or caught something and he was trying to _convince_ her. And maybe convince himself too.

And the next morning, when he had woken up she had been gone.

They hadn't talked about that night.

They had just ignored it. Erased it. It was an aberration in time and space. It was nothing. They had gone back to friendly smiles and nice kisses and hand holding and placated happiness.

Leonard got up from the bar and dumped out his cereal.

He wasn't hungry anymore.

Where was Sheldon?

It was too odd and too quiet and Leonard wanted, _needed_, distraction.

He didn't even care if Sheldon gave him a lecture on food waste or the history of waking people, as long as he talked and talked and talked and drowned out the words and feelings that seemed to currently be overwhelming him.

Leonard went to Sheldon's room and knocked on the door, not even slightly tentative, "Sheldon?"

He knocked again and hoped to hear an annoyed voice yammer back at him. He hoped for some kind of respite from how he felt now.

He got nothing.

Leonard opened the door and saw Sheldon's bed, made and not even slept in, a note waiting for him.

Without missing a beat, Leonard swore.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** The Crossroads Conundrum

**Part 4:** Sheldon  
**Author:** she_burns1  
**Pairing:** Sheldon/Penny, Leonard/Penny  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count:** 1,912**  
****Summary:** Future!fic! Sheldon, Penny, and Leonard all thought they knew exactly what they wanted, but with a big change on the way, all three begin to question themselves, and each of them is lead in a direction they had not anticipated.  
**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended.

_Is love supposed to last throughout all time, or is it like trains changing at random stops. If I loved her, how could I leave her? If I felt that way then, how come I don't feel anything now? _- **Jeff Melvoin**

The farther away he got, the better Sheldon became.

He'd been on the train over four hours now, and with each click of track, he found his mind growing more at ease. Better. Lighter. As if a weight had been taken from him, his thought process unblocked.

And his view from the left side of the train was breathtaking. Sure, at first he had had to go through the monotony of seeing a concrete jungle of blandness, but it had eventually given way to a scenic beauty that was, essentially, impossible to describe.

Slopes and rolls of land that were aesthetically pleasing, with colors that varied all over the color spectrum. And the sky, well, the sky had just grown more brilliant as the sun rose. Such a remarkable blue.

Sheldon admired it for only a moment or two before finally drawing out his journal again. This time he found it easier to steer himself back towards his work and he took an almost vicious pleasure in the fact. Leaving had obviously been the right thing to do.

His pen worked over the paper sharply and quickly, almost to the point of abuse, as idea after idea occurred to him. Each equation seemed more surmountable than the last, and he was starting to think that he should have done all his work on trains years ago.

Oh! Another idea, mobile work stations! He made a quick notation to one side of his work, knowing he would want to come back to that later. Besides, he didn't want to get too side tracked – he felt like he was getting close to a breakthrough here. Even more so than what he had accomplished on his sojourn to the Artic.

Maybe location was key.

Not being locked down by frivolity was certainly one. To think, he had wasted so much time.

How many hours had he lost to paint ball or to Halo or to those other childish endeavors that, at the end of the day, were utterly meaningless. They certainly didn't bring him anything. No Nobel Prize, that was for sure.

Leonard, Wolowitz, Koothrappali – look where such distractions had led them. Not one of them would ever accomplish anything. At least, not anything of real note. He was the only one of them with the vision, the cunning to make it, to succeed, to get what he wanted.

What _did_ he want?

Sheldon's writing slowed and he blinked as if snapping out of a trance.

The question had come to him, unbidden and so startling, it was as if someone had spoken it aloud.

_What did he want?_

He shook his head.

That was simple. What he wanted. He knew what he wanted. Of course he did. What a silly question. It shouldn't have even made him pause.

He wanted a Nobel Prize.

A Nobel Prize, answers to the unanswerable questions that string theory presented…maybe some recognition, though, honestly, it wasn't something he _required_. He could really care less about what people thought of him.

_That much is obvious_, his thoughts stated and he frowned, confused. Interesting. Sarcasm in his own mind? Directed at himself?

He looked around the train suspiciously. He highly doubted that any of the passengers on the train were telepathic (not to mention, he didn't given any credible credence to telepathy, despite what some of his favorite comics hypostasized), which could only mean the thought had come from within his own mind.

He found it odd that such a thing could happen, but then, his mind could be called into question as of late, despite what work he had just managed to complete.

Something was…wrong.

Okay, no, in point of fact, _several_ things were wrong but he didn't really want to go through the list.

He decided to focus on just the one and ran it over again in his mind. He didn't care what others thought of him. This much was obvious. Clearly a reference to the fact that he had not only left so abruptly, but that he had also left only a few days before his best friend's nuptials. Nuptials that he himself was to take part in as best man.

Best man.

The title irritated him for numerous reasons.

There was the fact that the term in and of itself was ridiculous – how does one measure a 'best' man? Is it measured by years of friendship, by the integrity of the person receiving the title, or by the person's merits over time and so on?

And then there were the tasks the person thrust into this role was to undertake –helping the groom get prepared for the wedding, giving a toast at the reception, making sure all the arrangements for the couple were taken care of – it was like being a glorified babysitter.

Sheldon was positive that Howard would be a much more suitable candidate for the position than himself. Besides, the man had practically _begged_ to plan the bachelor party and frankly, Sheldon was _relieved_ he would not be there for that.

Whatever Howard Wolowitz cooked up for a bachelor party was sure to end in gratuitous nudity, tears, and possible jail time.

And the notes Sheldon had left Howard were very thorough. So thorough that anyone with them could easily take over the role. Even _Winkle_, with her limited learning capacity, could, if need be.

And Sheldon highly doubted that there would be a need. Howard would most likely rise to the occasion – and years of friendship with Howard had taken their toll, as even _he_ saw the pun therein. Penny would do well to warn her bridesmaids.

Penny.

"What are you drawing?"

Sheldon sat up, startled, and turned to see who had spoken.

Besides himself, there were three other passengers in the train car he was seated in. The first was a harried-looking young woman to the far other side of the car, who alternated from looking out the window to looking at her book. The second was an elderly black woman who slept peacefully across from him. And the third was now on the seat to his immediate right, looking down curiously at his journal.

It was a young boy who, if looks could determine anything, was most likely the son of the young woman. They shared the same fair complexion and dark black hair. Though the boy certainly seemed more carefree as he looked up at Sheldon with big eyes.

Big eyes that were the same color as Penny's.

Sheldon swallowed, and for some reason, found his voice difficult to find, "And you are?"

"Ben."

Sheldon just nodded blankly and Ben asked again, "What are you drawing?"

"I'm not drawing. I'm working on an idea stemming from the holographic principle that I believe will better justify string theory and, as an added bonus, show more inherent flaws in the idea of loop quantum gravity."

Ben blinked.

Sheldon sighed and tried again, "I'm doing math problems."

Ben gave a tentaive smile and displayed his own journal, "I drew a horse!"

Sheldon looked at the drawing, "Ah. I see. Though, if I may, I would recommend in your future artisitc endevaors that you keep within the preameters of reality, as there are, in fact, no horses that are the color purple."

"You talk funny." Ben giggled, wiggling about in his seat. Sheldon didn't even know how to respond to that. Ben, however, just continued, "D'you want to see what else I drew?"

Sheldon was more than prepared to tell the child 'no' but the eyes held him. He sighed, "I suppose if I must…"

Ben flipped through the pages, pointing to this one or that, not elebaorating futher but obviously indicating his favorites. Sheldon was greatful for the silence, as it had been his limited experience that children were a noisy breed.

Once Ben had finished flipping through the book he looked at Sheldon, head tilted to one side, "Are you alone?"

"I don't see how that is any of your business."

Ben took in a deep breath, his whole body moving with it, as he rubbed at his nose, "I'm with my Mom."

"Oh?"

Ben nodded and, as Sheldon thought, he pointed to the young woman on the other side of the car. Sheldon, once more, had nothing to say to this, but Ben didn't seem to mind as he had instead managed to weasel one of his tiny hands between them to take hold of Sheldon's journal.

He flipped thorugh it, turning it this way and that, face scrunched up with confusion and Sheldon scowled. Great. Germs. Children were not only noisy, they were well known for being full of germs. Tiny walking bacteria farms.

He thought to snatch the book back and rub it down quickly with the sanitizer in his bag but, once more, Ben beat him to the punch, looking at him with those eyes, voice soft, "I like this one."

Sheldon looked at the page and his face went blank.

"She's pretty."

It was a simple drawing. Just lines and curves. He could barely remember drawing it. But it was her, all the same.

"That's Penny."

Sheldon hated how his voice sounded when he said that.

Ben's lips jerked to one side and then the other, as if he was thinking hard. At last he asked innocently, "Is she with you?"

"No," Sheldon breathed, "No. She's very far away."

"Are you going to see her?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Just…because."

Ben closed the journal and pushed it back towards Sheldon, "You miss her?"

Sheldon put the journal away and, not looking at him, said sharply, "You're awful nosy, aren't you?"

"What's that mean?"

"What's what mean?"

"Nosy."

"It means you are of an annoyingly inquisitive disposition."

Ben blinked again.

Once more Sheldon struggled to answer without coming off as 'an ass' as his friends would say, "It means you're being rude."

"Rude?"

"Bad."

"Oh." Ben drew this word out, making it almost musical before it finally trailed off into silence. Sheldon waited, thinking that, as the discussion had ended, the boy would leave his company.

Ben, however, did nothing of the sort and seemed more than happy to swing his feet back and forth, head rested back against the seat. Sheldon shot a look towards his mother, but she had finally become fully immersed in her book.

Sheldon huffed, irritated, but resigned as he looked out the window. Besides being noisy and full of germs, children were well known for their short attention spans. Ben would grow bored and leave soon enough, of this Sheldon was positive.

As Sheldon looked out the window he suddenly found himself overcome with exhaustion. He closed his eyes and could have sworn he smelled fabric softener.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** The Crossroads Conundrum

**Part 5:** Penny  
**Author:** she_burns1  
**Pairing:** Sheldon/Penny, Leonard/Penny, mentions Raj/Missy  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count:** 3,005**  
****Summary:** Future!fic! Sheldon, Penny, and Leonard all thought they knew exactly what they wanted, but with a big change on the way, all three begin to question themselves, and each of them is lead in a direction they had not anticipated.  
**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended.

_One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter_ – **James Earl Jones**

Penny exited her apartment and could hear Raj and Howard talking as they came up the stairs.

"…even if I could talk to her, I don't know what I'd say."

"I could give you some ideas."

"If I want ideas on how to get slapped in the face I'll ask you, otherwise, I think I'll pass."

"Come on, Raj, you'd have to drink to talk to her anyway, so what difference will it make if she slaps you?"

"So…you're _admitting_ that your ideas would get me slapped?"

"Possibly," Howard paused, "Probably. Look, I'm sorry but, you know, we'll probably all need a good laugh if what Leonard says is true and you getting slapped is a guaranteed guffaw."

"Oh really? Well I thin-" The end of this word fizzled into a whine before ending completely as Raj came face to face with Penny.

"Hi Howard! Raj!" Penny greeted warmly.

"Ah, now _there's_ a shiny penny!" Howard returned and Penny wrinkled her nose, "Wow. Really?"

Howard had the good sense to look slightly chagrined, "Yeah, sorry, not my best. It's been a busy morning."

"Oh? How come?"

"Well-" Howard was about to elaborate but Raj elbowed him sharply in the ribs. Howard cried out and rubbed at his side, scowling accusingly at his friend. Raj shot him a very telling look and Howard's eyebrows rose.

Penny watched the silent exchange with interest as Howard and Raj seemed to be communicating mentally. At last Howard spoke again, "It's nothing, Penny."

"Nothing?"

"Nope."

Penny looked at him curiously, swaying from foot to foot, "Nothing at all?"

"No."

"Well then, why do you need a good laugh?"

"A good wha-ha?" Howard gasped, scratching at the back of his head. Raj's lips clamped together even harder if possible.

"I heard you. Coming up the stairs. You said if what Leonard says is true, you will all need a good laugh. So, why will you need a good laugh? What did Leonard say?"

Howard's mouth flapped silently, the look on his face almost comical as Raj eased towards the door of Leonard's apartment, obviously looking for the best escape route.

Howard licked his lips, eyes squinted in thought, "Oh, well, you know, Leonard. He said…you know…things. Things that the bride-to-be doesn't need to worry her pretty little head about."

"Oh yeah? Why don't you let me be the judge of that?"

Howard wiped his sweaty palms off on his tight purple jeans and struggled to think of a good answer, "It's nothing! Nothing. It's…it's just…it's a…science….thing."

Penny raised one eyebrow, "A science thing?"

"Yeah. Yes. A science…it's…Leonard has been having an issue with this theoretical argument against a Bose-Einstein condensate in Superfluid." Howard shot all this out rapidly and looked rather pleased with himself when he finished talking.

Penny and Raj were, likewise, pretty impressed by this and both looked at him with wide eyes, albeit for different reasons. Penny blinked, "Superfluid?"

Seeing the perfect opportunity to get out, Howard grinned wolfishly and took it, "Yes, and he's a bit broken up about it, but me, I never worry about my super-"

"Hold it right there," Penny begged, holding up one hand, face contorted with revulsion, "That's enough for me. You guys can talk about your…yeah, whatever, in private. I've got to run anyway, I'm picking up Missy from the airport."

"Oh, the lovely Miss Missy," Howard waggled his eyebrows, "Well, you just tell her I said-"

"Yeah, can't talk, got to go!" Penny said swiftly, practically bolting down the stairs in her efforts to escape another Howard-Wolowitz-pick-up-line/inndeundo.

Once Penny was gone, Raj just looked at Howard and shook his head, "Well, that worked."

"What can I say?," Howard shrugged, "I'm a genius."

"At being _deliberately_ disgusting?"

"Works every time."

Raj just sighed, "No 'probably' about it, your ideas would have gotten me slapped."

88888888888

"I can't tell you again how much I appreciate you doing this for me," Penny gushed as she helped Missy bring her luggage up the apartment steps.

"Oh, it's really not a problem! Though, I have to say, it seems like the only thing that brings me to California is weddings. Maybe I should stick around so I can finally have one of my own."

"You looking to walk down the aisle?"

"Honey, what woman isn't?"

"I can think of a few," Penny tossed under her breath as they finished the trek up the stairs and reached the fourth floor. Penny put down Missy's bags and reached into her purse to fish out her apartment keys.

Missy eyed the door of 4A, head titled to one side, "Boys over there?"

"I'd imagine so."

"Hmm."

There was a brief silence as Penny continued looking for the keys and Missy continued looking at the door. Right as Penny found her keys, Missy spoke again, "So…what about that one lil' friend of Shelly's?"

"Which one?"

"Oh, you know," Missy tried to sound as casual as possible, "The tall, dark, and handsome one."

"Tall? None of them are particularly tall…"

"Okay, the dark and handsome one, then."

Penny froze, face scrunched up as if she'd been sucking on something sour, "Please tell me you don't mean Howard."

Missy pulled the same face, "No, no, _not_ that one."

Something seemed to click in Penny's mind and her face brightened as she pointed her keys in Missy's direction knowingly, "Ohhh, you mean Raj!"

Missy didn't answer but the look on her face was enough and Penny laughed as she turned to unlock her apartment, saying over her shoulder, "I knew it!"

"Knew what?"

"Knew that things hadn't changed. You seemed pretty interested that one time and this time…" Penny trailed off as she opened her door and took Missy's things inside.

Missy followed and closed the door behind them, "Well, he _was_ awfully sweet. Maybe tried a little _too_ hard but, I don't know…little bit of work and he could be something."

"You think?" Penny asked as she took a seat on her couch. Missy sat next to her, shaking her head, "I don't know. I just…now and then I'd find myself thinking about him. He's…I mean, for the little amount of time I've spent with him…he's different, you know? So different from most guys and there was this," Missy shrugged, as she struggled to find the words, "This spark."

Penny thought of that, of that 'spark' and she licked her lips, clearing her throat as she got to her feet, "You thirsty? I've got lemonade…"

"Yeah, yeah, sounds good," Missy said and leaned back into the couch, "And I mean, he IS cute."

"That's true."

"What do you know about him?"

"About who?" Penny asked absent mindedly as she poured them drinks, her mind still caught up on sparks.

Missy rolled her eyes, "Raj."

"Oh. Him," Penny handed Missy her drink and, sipping her own, sat down on the couch again, "Well, I mean, I told you a bit last time. He's a nice guy as far as I can tell. Just…quiet. Can't really talk to women so, as you can imagine, that's a real roadblock in getting to know him."

"You mean he _still_ doesn't talk to you?"

"Not so much. If he's had a drink, sure, but…even though I'm with Leonard and even though I've known them a long time… a bit tipsy once he told me that, despite all that, I'm still an attractive woman."

Penny sighed, head tilting back in consideration, "It's a pretty huge compliment when you think about it. Year after year passes, you get a little older and you think to yourself, 'maybe I'm not as pretty as I used to be, maybe I'm getting old' and then there's this guy who _still_ can't talk to you because he thinks you're too gorgeous to talk to."

Missy's eyebrows rose and she nodded, "Yeah, I'd say that's one hell of a compliment."

Penny grinned mischievously, "They'll be plenty of alcohol at the wedding, champagne toasts and the like, I imagine we can loosen his lips a bit then."

"Hmm, might do that," Missy conceded, looking quite devilish herself as she confided, "But then, might not. I do have a few tricks up my sleeves, you know."

"Oh?"

Missy didn't elaborate further, instead just winking, and Penny smiled, "Missy, again, I just…I have to thank you for this."

"Ah, come on now, darlin', you can't keep thanking me forever."

"Yeah I know; it's just…my sister really wanted to be my Maid of Honor but she doesn't have the time right now, what with all the trouble with her husband going on and…I mean, I'm not particularly anti-social but I don't have many girlfriends. At least not any close enough to," she shook her head, "And I certainly couldn't ask Howard or Raj to be my Maid of Honor so-"

"Penny, honey, truly, I don't mind. I mean, you and me, we've talked before the couple of times I've been by to see Shelly and I mean, I like you. Heck, if I _do_ end up staying here, who knows…"

Penny voiced her surprised, "You really are thinking of moving up here?"

Missy shrugged, "Well, remember the first time I came up this way and met you, one of my friends was getting married? Well, seems she's got herself into the fashion business and she wants me to model her clothes. Says I got the face and the height for it so….who knows? I never thought of myself as much of the model type, but…"

She sighed, voice thoughtful, "I could certainly use the money and the change of scenery. Been hanging around Mama a good long while now, just making sure she could stand firm on her own two feet after Daddy's passing. She's a strong woman, no doubt about that, and if she knew, I'm sure she'd tell me she didn't need me, but…those first few months…"

Penny shifted about on the couch; face curious, "Sheldon never talks about it. You, your family, his-"

Missy chuckled dryly, "That's Shelly for you. He ain't much of a talker."

Penny blinked, "You're joking, right?"

"Oh, no, I mean, he _talks_. Lord knows, you can't get the boy to shut up if you mention the right thing. He'll babble on end about string-what's-it's and quantum-whatevers but…when it comes to talking, real heart to heart talking, boy seals up tighter than bark on a tree. Always been like that."

Penny was silent as she drank her lemonade. It was sweet but sour. Huh. How fitting.

Missy turned to her, eyes sparkling, "But enough about that, what about you! The Bride! You must be excited!"

"Yeah," Penny breathed, pushing a few strands of loose hair behind one ear, "Excited."

"You and Leonard…who would have thought."

"I know…but, it works," Penny offered, "And he's such a great guy. Sweet and caring and…I mean, he's one of the best boyfriends I've ever had. And he'll make a wonderful husband."

_For someone_, her thoughts tossed in viciously and she tried not to flinch.

"Well, I'm happy for you, girl!" Missy smiled warmly, "And I can't wait to plan a bachelorette party for you and the dress! Did you pick out the dress?"

Before Penny could answer Missy waved a hand, "Oh, look at me, crazy talk! Of course you have! Wedding's only a bit off. Sure you picked out a dress ages ago!"

Penny licked her lips and avoided Missy's eyes. Truthfully she had just recently picked out the dress. The shop assured her they could get it fitted and ready in a rush but they gave her rather stern looks about the whole ordeal, rather snippily remarking that most women got their dresses months in advance – why did she wait so long?

She didn't want to tell them why, she could barely say why to herself.

Missy continued talking, oblivious to Penny's internal strife, "I can't wait to see it! I bet it's gorgeous! Just think, a couple more weeks and you'll be Mrs. Penny Hofstadter!"

Missy's face fell, "What was that?"

"What was what?"

"That," Missy pointed at her, "You made a face."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"No…"

"Yes, yes," Missy's finger moved through the air in a circle, "You made a face when I said Penny Hofstadter! Oh! Look! You did it again!"

"I didn't!" Penny cried desperately, shaking her head rapidly.

"But you did! Penny, your whole face twitched! Like the way Shelly's face'll twitch when-" Missy gasped loudly, "Oh my god! Are you…you're not…Penny, are you having second thoughts?"

Penny hadn't stopped shaking her head and she continued to do so, once more avoiding Missy's eyes and Missy pressed a hand to her mouth, her own head shaking as well, "Penny…oh, Penny…honey…"

Penny stopped shaking her head, instead burying her face in her hands, voice coming out brokenly, "Missy…"

Missy quickly wrapped her arms around Penny and started rubbing her back and shoulders, "Oh, Penny…"

Neither spoke for a while, Penny crying softly and Missy holding her. At last Penny spoke, "Missy…I love Leonard! I love him!"

"I know you do."

"But…I just…I'm so…afraid. And…lost, and…I just, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do."

"Penny," Missy said softly, "Penny, if you're not sure…"

"But, I am! I mean, I have to be! Missy, I'm getting married!"

Missy looked terribly uncomfortable as she asked quietly, "Are you?"

Penny didn't know how to answer and she just shook her head again. Missy took in a deep breath and got to her feet. She scouted about until she found some tissues and brought them over to Penny, who thanked her quietly.

Penny wiped at her face and Missy continued to rub her arm reassuringly. Penny chuckled, the sound watery, "Wow…you're good at this."

"Oh honey, you have no idea how many a girl I've helped through a good cry. Too many are those I've worked with who found their boyfriend cheating on them or just plain broke up. Then there's those sad lil' things that go and find themselves knocked up and not ready. Bit different from this, but," Missy froze, eyes wide, "Um, you're not-"

Penny looked horrified at the very idea, "Oh, no, no, no!"

"Whew, good then," Missy said with a relieved smile, "That would've made this even worse."

Penny sighed, rubbing another tissue along the bottom of her nose, "I…Leonard. Missy…I love Leonard. I do, I do…I just…don't know if I do enough to…"

"To say 'I do'?" Missy offered and Penny shot her a look. Missy held up her hands weakly, "Sorry, lame, I know. Came into my head and I couldn't help but say it."

"So…not so different from Sheldon after all, huh?"

Missy shrugged, "He may be one of God's special little people, but we are blood. Can't help but share a thing or two in common."

"Welllllll, your brother is certainly one to have something come into his head and," Penny began to speak haltingly, her eyes distant, "…not be able to help but…say it."

Missy leveled Penny with a hard gaze, "Why'd you say it like that?"

"Like what?"

"Penny…"

Penny sighed, rolling her eyes, "Missy, sweetie, you've got to stop reading me like a book. I barely know you!"

Missy chuckled, "Can't says as I mean to, but…you're pretty open right about now. Not to mention that, not knowing you very well, not seeing you everyday…maybe it just gives me a good outsider's advantage. I can just sorta peer in."

"Or you've just got one hell of an intuition."

"Mama'd probably agree more with that one," Missy clicked her tongue, "Always said I had a nasty knack for seeing too well into things. Sometimes I think she prayed to God I'd go blind…or at least need glasses."

Penny didn't respond to that, instead just smirking sadly. Missy didn't let her off the hook, "Come on though, what's that about then? What you said about my brother. He giving you a hard time?"

"No…no, not really."

"Penny, if Shelly said something that upset you, something that's making you doubt yourself and the wedding, girl, you just let me know and I promise you, as your Maid of Honor, I'll be more than happy to handle it. Actually, just as the man's sister I'll be more than happy to handle it," Missy sucked in a breath and flexed her fingers menacingly, "Yup, always ready to go another round."

"No," Penny breathed, voice sad, "No, Sheldon didn't…it wasn't anything he said…"

"Well then what-" Missy froze.

She absolutely froze.

She looked at Penny and her eyes grew wide, mouth dropping open, voice hard to find and when she did it was a breathy whisper, "No…"

Penny looked at her, light green eyes watery.

Missy was still thunderstruck, "No…can't…you can't be…"

Penny swallowed thickly.

Missy felt as if someone had clocked her hard in the jaw, as if an anvil had crashed down on her head, as if the world she knew no longer existed. In fact, it no longer did. Her world was a fragile little ornament that had fallen and crashed, exploding into millions of little crushed pieces.

This wasn't possible.

Missy blinked, "Shelly? Penny…you and…and Shel-," Missy broke off before she could even say his nickname, instead gulping, mouth dry.

Penny blinked rapidly, and licked her lips before she said so softly that it was almost inaudible, "Let me tell you a story…"


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** The Crossroads Conundrum

**Part 6:** Laundry Room  
**Author:** she_burns1  
**Pairing:** Sheldon/Penny, Leonard/Penny  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count:** **  
****Summary:** Future!fic! Sheldon, Penny, and Leonard all thought they knew exactly what they wanted, but with a big change on the way, all three begin to question themselves, and each of them is lead in a direction they had not anticipated.  
**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended.

_We all need to look into the dark side of our nature - that's where the energy is, the passion. People are afraid of that because it holds pieces of us we're busy denying_ - **Sue Grafton**

Penny entered the laundry room with her basket balanced on one hip. It was a humid night, so she was well within the laundry room's guidelines of 'keeping her clothes on' while doing her laundry, but she wasn't garbed from head to toe either.

She wore a pink spaghetti strap top and multi-colored striped pajama shorts, her feet bare, blonde hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. She felt nice and relaxed, sort of sluggish thanks to the weather and she was grateful she didn't have to work tomorrow.

It would be nice to have the rest of the night to herself. She loved Leonard, but they had both agreed fairly early on in their relationship that it was best if they didn't move in together. Not only because the very idea almost gave Sheldon a coronary, but because Penny liked having her own space.

Of course, with the wedding coming soon, that small space would evaporate. After all, she and Leonard were quite well into the later stages of their relationship and getting married surely meant finally moving in together.

Not that Penny liked to give it much thought.

In fact, she had hardly given the wedding itself much thought…

Penny sighed and shook her head. This was ridiculous! She was not doing this again tonight. She was not dwelling on these dark thoughts! She was going to do her laundry, go upstairs, make a margarita, watch a movie with Brad Pitt and then sleep in the next day, her whole bed all to herself.

Maybe she could even paint her toenails…

As she contemplated this she noticed that Sheldon was methodically loading one of the washing machines and she smirked. Saturday night. Laundry. Like clockwork. One had to admire someone who was so…precise.

A sort of light, jittery feeling started to buzz deep within her, but she chose to ignore it. Probably just a side effect from the humidity of the day and the natural warmth the laundry room provided. Not to mention she certainly reserved the right to have her nerves on edge – what with the wedding and all…

Once more Penny found herself feeling sort of lost and dark, but before she could think on it further, Sheldon turned and saw her, nodding his head slightly, "Penny."

"Sheldon," Penny returned brightly, plastering a smile on her face.

The last person she wanted to share her inner turmoil with was Doctor Sheldon Cooper, _PhD_**.**

Penny strode up confidently to one of the free washing machines, dumping her whole load in. Sheldon couldn't restrain a sort of scoffing noise and Penny rolled her eyes. No doubt he had reservations about her mixing up her darks and whites. One would think that after all this time he wouldn't even bother to be annoyed by it anymore, but Penny always reminded herself not to be surprised by Sheldon.

He was always, one and the same.

An immovable object, an unchangeable force, a…

"Penny, I see you traverse the treacherous laundry room floors barefoot. Must I remind you, yet again, the dangers therein?"

…a pain in her ass.

Penny turned to Sheldon, sighing dramatically, "No, but I'm sure you're going to."

"Penny," Sheldon began and Penny rolled her eyes, he ignored this, "Penny, while I admit I have read some studies that suggest that walking barefoot is actually beneficial in some locals, I highly doubt it is a good idea in our building's laundry room, as there is not only the possibility of injuring your feet on splinters, sharp-edged objects, and so on, but also the fact that this floor is most assuredly dirty and thus crawling with bacteria such as-"

"Sheldon, sweetie, is there any way I can get you to _stop_ talking about this?"

Sheldon opened his mouth and Penny immediately cut him off, "_Without_ my going upstairs to my apartment and putting shoes on?"

Sheldon's mouth snapped shut and Penny shook her head, unable to keep herself from grinning a little, "Yeah, I thought not."

Sheldon sort of deflated and, much to Penny's surprise (and relief), he stopped talking about her bare feet. Okay, so, maybe she was a little wrong about him being completely unchangeable. After all, she had known him quite a long time now and some things had changed. Slightly. He at least seemed to catch on a bit quicker to sarcasm.

And recently he had begun to show the possibility of finally grasping the concept that sometimes people just wanted him to shut up. Now was a good example, as he stood to one side, hands in his pockets, eyes on one of the washing machines.

Penny poured in her detergent and was about to follow suit with her fabric softener when she paused and looked back at him again. He hadn't moved an inch, eyes still fixed on his machine. She shook her head, amused, "What are you doing?"

He looked at her, eyes narrowing, "As if you didn't know."

Penny's eyebrows rose and she put aside her fabric softener, folding her arms, "No. No, I really don't."

Sheldon sighed as if it was painful, "Penny, obviously you have forgotten the instance in which I stole your clothes and hung them from the telephone wire-"

Penny blinked rapidly, "Sheldon, how could I forget? I mean, it's been-"

"Yes, still, before you interrupted," Sheldon pointed out sharply, "I was about to say that while it has been a while since that period, I did remark to you on that occasion that there are strict guidelines within the laundry room as to not leave your clothing unattended, hence my standing here."

Penny leaned back against the machine she was using, "Yeah, but do the guidelines also state you should stand there and glare at the machine like you have X-Ray vision?"

"Penny, that is absurd," Sheldon shook his head, taking his eyes from her to focus them back on the machine, "X-Ray vision is not possible."

"You think?" she asked dryly.

Sheldon made a noise of agreement, "First of all, though called X-Ray vision, the power has little to do with the actual effect of X-Rays and is instead presented as the ability to selectively see through certain objects as though they are invisible, translucent or not present, in order to see objects beyond, where in point of fact, _actual_ X-Rays would oh, you were being sarcastic, weren't you?"

"Lately you've been catching on to that a bit quicker, sweetie."

"Well, talking about super powers distracted me," Sheldon muttered, adding under his breath, "Cheeky woman."

Penny heard him and couldn't help but laugh a little, "It's weird, all the times you and I have done laundry together on a Saturday night and I've never noticed you just hanging out here the whole time until your load is done. Guess I've always been in too much of a hurry-"

"'All the times you and I have done laundry together?'" Sheldon quoted, "What are you talking about?"

Penny looked a little hurt, "Sheldon, I do my laundry on Saturdays too. Around the same time as you, in fact. I've always thought of this as sort of our little activity we do together, you know, me the girlfriend, you the best friend of my boyfriend-"

Sheldon reared his head back, looking alarmed, "As far as I know, we have no such pre-established relationship or meetings."

"Well, I mean, sure we do," Penny fumbled, "I've hung out with you down here lots of times!"

"Penny, I hardly 'hang out' with anyone. I have pre-arranged, established activities that I do with my friends and yes, upon occasion, you are present, but you and I, alone, do not have such a set activity, much less on Saturday night."

"But…we both do our laundry on this night."

"Not always. There are fifty-two Saturdays in a given year, of which, I have been present in this laundry room for every one of them. You, however, have only come twenty seven of those times, so, one could hardly say-"

"You know exactly how many Saturdays I've been in the laundry room?"

Penny had interrupted again, but this time Sheldon just stopped talking. He opened his mouth to continue but didn't and Penny was more than just a little surprised, she was completely gobsmacked. Had she rendered Sheldon Cooper speecheless?

The moment didn't last.

"Regardless, you do not come to the laundry room _every_ Saturday. So, one must assume you also do laundry on one other day. Perhaps, in the swiftness of your day to day life, what with making out with my roomate, sitting in my spot, serving cheesecake and, more often than not, making something of a nuisance of yourself, you've lost track of those days, but I am sure they exist," He paused, thoughtful, "That or you don't wash your clothing often, though I prefer to go with my first hypthosis…for everyone involved."

Penny sighed, still feeling stung, "Whatever."

Sheldon blinked, "Have I…said something…not socially acceptable?"

Penny could only assume the pauses came from Sheldon having a hard time even saying anything remotely close to the fact that he had said something 'wrong', "No, Sheldon, you're fine. I'm probably just…I've got a lot on my mind right now."

"Well, I'd imagine so," Sheldon replied smoothly, "What with the wedding approaching, I'm surprised to find you down here at all."

"Even brides have to do their laundry."

"Hmm, yes, this would indeed be true, though I had not given it any real thought until you voiced it just now. I imagine there are some brides who have others take care of such mundane activities for them before the wedding day. However, you are a bit far off from that day yet."

_Not far enough_, Penny's thoughts hissed and she winced.

Sheldon did not notice, "Regardless, should you wish to have someone take care of such actitives for you when the time comes, I would highly recommend that you do not entrust my sister to handle your laundry duties. While you certainly have an ungentle hand when it comes to washing your attire, Missy would most assuredly destory any garments you own beyond repair."

"Oh?"

"Well, she certainly had that effect on my clothing," Sheldon scowled, "At one point, she cut out the emblems of all my super hero t-shirts. True, it was only in reaction to my having used the underwires of her earlier brassiers as a poor substitue for the true wiring needed to make a superconverter but what other materials was I to use? Nevertheless, I would highly advise you not to lay such duties upon her. And, thankfully, I have since managed to keep all my superhero shirts in tact."

As if to acknowledge this, he pointed to the washing machine he was still eyeing and Penny looked at him now, finally noticing that he was actually not currently wearing a super hero shirt.

In fact, he was wearing a rather interesting dark blue shirt with some strange green geometric pattern on it and, despite the heat, he, as always, had a long sleeve shirt beneath. In fact, his brown pants looked like they might be corduroy and she wasn't quite sure how he could _not_ be sweating.

But then, she didn't imagine Sheldon Cooper _could_ sweat.

He just didn't seem the type.

Though, for how he was dressed now, she had to admit that, if he could keep from opening his mouth, he could pass for a pretty regular guy. He didn't look so much outwardly like a nerd at the moment. It was kind of nice.

Penny turned her attention back to her laundry, pouring the fabric softener into the cap, watching it fill up to the little indented line inside.

She tried to imagine a time right before her wedding, a time in her life when she would be too busy to think of doing this. Another Saturday far away and then after that, after all of it, a Saturday when she would be down here again – doing not only her own laundry but Leonard's as well…her husband's…

Leonard.

Husband.

Penny licked her lips and felt unbearably heavy all of the sudden, her eyes blinking rapidly and she didn't understand why. It felt like a task to keep them open or, no, worse, to keep them from watering. Why should they water?

But that was a foolish question; she knew exactly why. She had known for quite sometime now, she just kept denying it to herself. God, what was wrong with her? Why couldn't she just be happy? She had every reason to be! Leonard was a great guy – he was supportive and sweet and caring and she loved him and she should want to marry him and spend the rest of her life with him!

She shouldn't _feel_ this way.

What was wrong with her?

Sheldon, unaware of Penny's troubles, spoke up, "You're not adding the fabric softener _now_ are you?"

Penny didn't turn around, her shoulders instead hunching up at his words. Sheldon noted this with a frown. At one point, Raj and Howard had tried to explain to him the importance of body language.

He was aware that this gesture usually signaled annoyance, but, not hearing her specifically voice an objection, he continued, "Fabric softener is traditionally supposed to be added during the final rinse cycle, as they recommend on the packaging that the un-diluted liquid should not be poured directly onto your clothes-"

Sheldon continued his diatribe and Penny easily zoned him out, her thoughts resettling back on Leonard, the wedding, and the feelings therein. What should have made her feel fantastic instead made her feel…

_Trapped._

Trapped and suffocated_. _

And all her friends knew, her family, and the wedding, the wedding – it loomed before her. This bright, white, shining spectacle that should have been love and joy, but was instead this insurmountable, overbearing nightmare. And she wanted to run. Run and run and run.

_Escape._

She loved Leonard, but she didn't…oh god, she _didn't_.

She didn't.

What was she doing?

What was she going to do? What was she going to do? What was she going to do?

_What was she going to do!_

Penny gasped as her eyes began to burn, filling up with tears as all these voices started screaming inside her head.

Sheldon, who was none the wiser, had not stopped talking, "…the long aliphatic chains are then oriented towards the outside of the fibers, imparting lubricity. In fact, Wolowitz, at one point misunderstading this, purchased an exorbitant amount of fabric softner…"

Penny gasped again, the sound watery and shaky but Sheldon, not seeing her face, misinterpreted the sound and his lips twitched slightly, "Yes, I thought it was quite amusing as well."

Penny's shoulders began to shake and the fabric softener cap fell from her hands, spilling everywhere as she wrapped her arms around herself. Sheldon frowned, "Penny, I don't think it's quite that funny, certainly not enough to cause you to loose control of-"

Penny turned, the wet tracks of tears evident on her face, her lips quivering. Seeing her face, Sheldon breathed out, "Oh."

Oh.

Oh?

Oh! That was all he could say?

Of course that was all he could say! He was Sheldon Cooper for god's sake and here she was again, crying in front of him like a sniveling two year old! Penny just wanted to curl up on the floor and die.

She didn't look at him, her eyes instead focused hard on the concrete floor, more tears leaking out, dribbling down her chin and running along her neck and she hated absolutely everything.

Penny took in a loud, hideous gulp of air – a wretched sob – and she just wished Sheldon would offer his usual pathetic 'there, there' or that he would leave or that she could find the strength to leave herself.

But instead she just stood there, crying and crying and she couldn't even see him anymore, her eyes so clouded with tears, eyelashes clumping together, rogue strands of blonde hair sticking to her wet face.

And then the most remarkable thing happened.

She felt it almost before it happened, that feeling one gets when someone is close, their presence just lingering on the edge of their senses. Sheldon, inches from her, and then there it was, his long fingers reaching out, tucking away a stray strand of her hair behind her ear, brushing her cheek.

Penny let out a breath, startled at the feeling, and she looked up at him.

And he looked back, his blue eyes blinking and when he spoke he sounded so different. He sounded so unlike himself that it almost frightened her. His voice was normally so cooled, so sure, so put together. But this voice, this voice that came from him, trembled as it spoke, "I don't know why I did that. My…apologies."

His fingers left her and for some reason that made her feel…

Her eyes searched his face and she felt more lost than ever as that feeling returned in full force. That feeling that had bombarded her when she had first entered the laundry room and seen him. That light, jittery feeling and suddenly she realized what it was, her heart slamming against her ribcage.

It was…she was nervous.

He made her nervous.

Why should he make her nervous?

Was she nervous because she was worried he would say something that would annoy her? Was she nervous because she was worried he would say something that would make her angry? Was she nervous because she was worried he would say something that would make her feel stupid?

Or was she nervous because…

And then, oh god, she realized then that he had always made her nervous. That she had always felt this feeling around him. Underneath everything, running like a current, like background noise, like…

It was always there but, for some reason, tonight she had felt it more strongly than usual and why should she? What made tonight more special than any other night? He had done nothing, said nothing, nothing had happened to incite this and yet there it was, naked and undeniable.

Penny swallowed thickly, licking her lips and looking at him as if she had never seen him before.

And Sheldon looked back, looked at her as if he was dissecting her with his vision and she realized he was…confused. She didn't think she had ever seen him confused and then his face began to tic unattractively and she could see it, just along the edge of his skin, almost imperceptible, a light sheen of sweat.

He spoke, "Leonard is my friend."

Immediately Sheldon looked disgusted with himself, face twitching worse than ever. He had never said anything so bald, so stupid, so…obvious. Why had he said that? It had been unnecessary.

And yet he couldn't take the words back. They just hung there between them. Those awful words. Like a physical barrier.

Penny's hand rose, as if to wipe away the barrier, as if to defy it. Her hand hung there, floating in the warm, warm air, hanging between them and as she looked at Sheldon she realized this wasn't what it was like with Leonard – or with any other man she could think of – this was terrifying.

She was terrified.

Part of her wanted to run away more than ever and yet another part kept her glued firmly to the floor. And the heat, the heat just sort of wrapped around her, a burning cradled insider her, melting her there, grounding her and she knew then she wasn't going to move.

There was something stronger at work. Some sort of…gravity. Or force. Something between them…like static electricity, drawing them irrevocably closer, and she knew it wasn't _really_ that and if she said such a thing to him he would admonish her and…

Could he explain what it was?

She didn't think so.

He looked as lost as she was and that was what scared her more than anything else. That Sheldon Cooper didn't seem to understand what was happening now any more than she, Penny, did.

Yet she knew what she wanted.

She wanted it so badly that she ached with it, a painful throb, starting in the center of her heart to spread throughout her entire being.

Penny said his name then, said it in a tone she had never said it in before.

Sheldon didn't move a muscle, the twitching having smoothed out – his face expressionless, and his eyes, those blue, blue eyes, pined her down. Her mind flashed to a butterfly held down to a corkboard by a needle. She had seen one once and it came to mind now, a strong clear image.

Her hand still rested in the air between them.

Penny was so afraid.

Her hand fell, it fell, it fell, it fell…

She touched his chest.

She felt something beneath her fingertips, a wild fluttering beat, like wings.

Her eyes locked with his.

The air seemed even warmer, the smell of fabric softener strong.

Penny let out a shaky breath and she realized she hadn't breathed in ages, her whole body breathless as her hand rose, moving oh so slowly, a gentle trek up to his neck and then to his face and she came closer, her body almost winding in to his as if on an invisible line.

And Sheldon's hands, they rested lifeless next to his sides and she wished they would rise up. Rise up and hold her, touch her and oh god, how she wanted him to touch her.

Instead she cupped one side of his face, her palm slightly damp but he didn't pull away, still looking at her, face blank, eyes so blue and he was taller than her. Much taller and she found her head angling back as she got closer, angling as she rose just that tiny bit on her feet, arching upwards.

Penny clumsily fell into him then; their noses bumping and she felt a strange mix of temperatures wash through her veins, cold and hot and it felt like being shocked over and over again. Everything sparking.

Her nose rubbed along his and it was silly to think of their noses rubbing together right now and wasn't that how Eskimos kissed? And then she realized their face's were touching and she swallowed, throat thick (constricted) as she breathed out and he breathed back and their breath was mingling, air mixing, unseen, oxygen dancing together.

She was breathing him in and he was breathing her out.

Penny felt dizzy; a roaring coming from somewhere and then her heart was compressed, squeezed, as her lips brushed his, just ever so slightly. And his mouth, Jesus, he opened his mouth and just that slight wet feeling…

Then one of the machines clicked off loudly and Penny drew back from him. Tore herself away, more accurately and the room felt as if it had been flooded with ice. Penny pressed both hands over her mouth, eyes wide.

Vaguely she became aware of the fact she was shaking her head vehemently, tears escaping her once more and she couldn't stop looking at him.

Sheldon.

Sheldon. Sheldon. Sheldon.

Oh no.

No. No. No.

She couldn't possibly…

And her body was still tossed in a furious storm of feelings, all of them exploding throughout her at once and he just stood there. Not moving. He didn't move. But he _had_ moved. He had moved at that last minute. His mouth opening and his breath and his heartbeat under her fingers and oh god, oh god, oh god _Sheldon_.

His blue eyes looked at her and she could see in them. See _inside_ and oh _Sheldon_.

His slender chest rose and fell and he looked at her. _He looked at her._

And there was so much there.

So much unsaid.

Her hands fell from her mouth but she didn't stop shaking her head, didn't stop denying and words left her mouth before she could even stop them, left from numb lips and she didn't even remember her brain forming them so that they could be spoken.

"Sheldon…I'm so sorry…"

And then he did move.

He stood up straighter.

He stood up straighter than she'd ever seen. Tall and hard and, his jaw ticked and, oh god, what she saw in his eyes now.

_Hurt_.

And she couldn't stand it anymore. Couldn't stand the constant fuck ups and finally, finally, she fled.

She _ran_.

She ran and she ran and she ran.

She ran up the steps, ran to her apartment. Ran inside, slamming the door behind her and collapsing back against it. Shaking and crying and inconsolable.

Penny could still taste Sheldon on her lips.

Warm and sweet and oh so good.

And she wanted more.

Oh so much more.

She cried even harder, body wracked with it.

But then…

Then she had collected herself.

She collected herself and found her feet moving without her thinking about it. She had moved over to Leonard and Sheldon's apartment late into the night. She crept in, crept into Leonard's room. She found him sleeping and she eased herself into his bed.

She held him tight and kissed him and he had woken up and they had made love. Or so it would seem. It had been so frantic, so hungry so…desperate.

Was that love?

It was as if they had both been trying to prove something to one another.

And once he was asleep again she had left.

She crept back out the same way she had crept in. She went back to her apartment and crawled into her own bed, a twisted wreck of a creature. She cried until she fell into an exhausted, uncomfortable sleep. The next day she awoke to find her laundry outside her door, cleaned and folded. There was no note.

Penny and Sheldon barely acknowledged each other for the next two weeks.

Then Sheldon left, left on a train, only now to awaken from a hazy dream of Penny's lips on his, while, at the same time, miles away, Penny retold the chain of events to Missy.

At that moment, both took in a deep breath of air and wondered why they still imagined the smell of fabric softener hanging in the air.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title:** The Crossroads Conundrum

**Part 7:** Leonard  
**Author:** she_burns1  
**Pairing:** Sheldon/Penny, Leonard/Penny  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count:** 2,057**  
****Summary:** Future!fic! Sheldon, Penny, and Leonard all thought they knew exactly what they wanted, but with a big change on the way, all three begin to question themselves, and each of them is lead in a direction they had not anticipated.  
**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended.

_The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we're afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we'll lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy. - _**Richard Bach**

"So what does the note say again?"

Leonard had been gnawing absently on his thumbnail from where he sat, perched on the top of his armchair, Sheldon's letter in his free hand. He idly passed it to Raj, who took in from him and began to read it aloud.

"'Dearest Leonard, my sincere apologies for my unexpected departure. I have gone traveling. Included are detailed instructions for Howard Wolowitz in regards to your upcoming nuptials, signed Sheldon," Raj stopped reading, his brow furrowed, "He actually wrote 'signed'?"

"'Gone traveling'?" Howard scoffed, "Who does he think he is? The Doctor? I told you that 'Doctor Who' marathon we had was a bad idea!"

"He wrote 'dearest' Leonard?" Raj muttered.

"Guys, can we focus, please?" Leonard whined, then, more solemnly, "Sheldon is gone."

"Is it wrong of me to say 'good riddance'?" Howard joked and both Leonard and Raj glared at him, Howard held up his hands, "Okay, okay, too soon, too soon or…wait…why am I apologizing?"

"Howard…"

"Look, Leonard, Sheldon is a grown man. I'm sure he can take care of himse – yeah and, I'm just going to stop right there because I realized what I was saying."

Leonard sighed, pushing up his glasses, "Howard, that's not the point. The point is that Sheldon just up and left. I mean, it takes us three hours to get ready to go to the grocery store. It's just not like him and that worries me."

"Is that why he called you 'dearest'?" Raj asked.

Leonard moaned, "Not you too…"

Raj at least had the decency to look a little ashamed as he handed the letter back to Leonard. Howard spoke again, "Leonard, I think you're making this more serious than it ought to be. Like you said, Sheldon can't do anything without considerable planning. I doubt he got very far. Besides, Sheldon might have his faults – and there are many – but, I suppose, when all is said and done, he _is_ a good friend. At least to you. I can't imagine him not coming back in time for the wedding."

"But he left you this," Leonard pointed out, pulling out a thick packet that he thrust at him.

Howard picked up the packet and opened it; he looked at the first few pages, and then looked at Raj, "Raj, I thought you said he _included_ this stuff in his note."

"He did. That's what the note says."

"But he couldn't have _included_ this! It's the length of a small Bible!" Howard said, waving some of the pages around.

"Which means he must have been working on it for a while…" Leonard said under his breath.

"A while?" Howard repeated as he looked through some more pages, "This has _footnotes_! I'm worried if I go much farther in there'll be an _index_!"

Raj shrugged, "He said they were detailed notes."

"Detailed?"

"Guys! Again! Losing the point!"

Raj ignored Leonard's outburst, focusing on Howard, "I don't know what you're so upset about – at least he chose you for an important job. I'm not even mentioned! What does that say about me?"

"Rajeesh, please, Sheldon may be many things, but he's no fool. Entrusting you with the information needed for the Best Man would be foolhardy, or have you forgotten that the Best Man will, at some point, have to talk to _women_."

"Yes, but the Best Man also has to make arrangements – like the catering, for example, and considering Penny's mother's love for peanuts, I don't think you'll be able to help out much unless we want to add a Macy's Thanksgiving Day float to the festivities."

"Raj, that is just one small part of-"

"Do I need a whistle or something? Am I invisible?" Leonard cried, waving his hands, "Sheldon! We're talking about Sheldon!"

"Well, yeah, but he's gone," Howard pointed out, shrugging, "Not much to be done about it. Makes more sense to focus on the wedding. And, more importantly," Howard's eyebrows _actually_ seemed to wiggle as he said, "the bachelor party."

"Besides," Raj concurred, "We won't be able to find him."

"What makes you say that?" Leonard asked.

It was now Raj's turn to shrug, "Well, considering how upset he's been the last two weeks, I doubt he _wants_ to be found."

Both Howard and Leonard's eyes widened, Leonard spoke first, "Sheldon's been upset?"

"Sure," Raj said simply, "You two didn't notice?"

"Raj, there are a million things I can put my focus upon and Sheldon Cooper rates very low on that list," Howard replied succinctly, "Now, high on that list are-"

Leonard cut him off, "Raj, did Sheldon tell you why he was upset?"

"No, I just noticed. You notice a lot of things when you don't talk so much," Raj looked pointedly at both Leonard and Howard at this moment, but then, seconds later, looked deflated, "But then you also realize that _you're_ never going to get married."

"Now Raj, there, there, I'm sure you're parents will force you into marriage soon enough," Howard comforted.

Raj's eyes narrowed and he raised a finger to point accusingly at Howard, preparing himself for another argument, when Leonard spoke, "Raj, come on, buddy, stay focused. Sheldon was upset. How?"

Raj blinked, confused, "How?"

"Yeah, I mean, how do you know he was upset? Did he say something? Do something? Did he tell you why he was upset?"

"No, he didn't tell me why, but…it wasn't even anything he said or did directly but…sometimes you could just…tell. Like, last Halo Night, Howard blew him up with a plasma grenade and Sheldon started up with his normal rant, you know, the one he starts when he's losing and feels it isn't fair but he just…it was…it's hard to explain."

"Try."

"It was…shorter. It was like he was…tired. Or couldn't get up the energy to really act like he normally would about it. He seemed…off. Yeah, actually, that's a good word for it. He seemed 'off' for the past two weeks. It was like he was…unsure of his routine. Like it was the first time he was aware of it. Like he could 'see' himself for the first time or something. And then, whenever Penny came over…I mean, it just got really strange then."

"'See himself for the first time?'" Howard repeated, "Bit deep. Don't think you were reading a little too deeply into things? Doesn't sound like Sheldon…"

"That's what I'm _saying_! He wasn't _acting_ like Sheldon."

"He seemed fine to me."

"Me too." Leonard muttered, looking dejected.

Howard clicked his tongue, "Pretty bad, man, you're his roommate. Closest thing he has to a best friend. You should have noticed."

"Hello?" Leonard wailed, "Bit busy? Wedding? Getting married? Ring any bells? I've been pretty busy with that!"

"Mmm, me too for that matter," Howard said, looking devilish, "It is indeed fortuitous that the reigns of the best man have been handed over to me, as I have all ready been looking into bachelor parties and I found this dancer Sue, you can get her at a discount! I mean, yeah, she has one leg, but you won't _believe_ what she does with it-"

"Howard, you've probably been researching bachelor parties since you were thirteen-"

"Seven. I developed young…"

"Regardless," Leonard sighed, "I want to hear more about Sheldon than about women who will most likely make me want to vomit in my mouth, so, Raj, acted strange around Penny how?"

Raj looked at Howard, "One leg? Really?"

Leonard cleared his throat, Raj started again, "Oh, um, well, I mean, she'd come over and it'd be the same old, same old, you know, you two all cuddled up and us all glaring on but happy nonetheless, but Sheldon would, it was like, he wouldn't look at Penny. At all. Almost like she wasn't there and then, when he would, like when you would say something and he'd _have_ to look at the pair of you, it was like he was staring into the sun. His eyes were…blinky and kinda glassy. Looked like it hurt."

"Feel his pain. Seeing Leonard with a hot girl like Penny, always breaks my heart," Howard tutted.

Leonard looked thoughtful, his attention back on his thumbnail as he chewed on it once more. He felt terrible for not having noticed Sheldon was upset, but he also felt angry. How could Sheldon do this to him? How could he leave days before the wedding? Sheldon knew how important this was to him, how could he jeopardize it?

And what would he tell Penny?

Penny…his girlfriend…his soon to be wife. The future Mrs. Leonard Hofstadter. God, he loved her so much. He just wanted her to be happy. He didn't know why the last thought came to him, but it did and it weighed heavily on him.

He just wanted Penny to be happy.

He wanted to be happy too. They could be happy together. They could…

He shook his head, clearing his throat and not knowing why it needed to be cleared, before he spoke, "We've got to try to find Sheldon."

"What? But why?" Howard whined, "He'll just ruin my chances at getting laid with-"

"There are more important things than getting laid, Howard!" Leonard snapped and Howard looked stunned, then annoyed, as he crossed his arms and muttered under his breath, "Says the one who's been _getting_ laid the past few…" the rest melted off into grumbles.

Raj shook his head, "Leonard, I told you. Sheldon won't want to be found."

"Where did you get that from? Did you get that from the same place where you imagined he was 'seeing himself' for the first time?"

"Hey, you asked what I saw and that's what I saw, don't get all pissy with me if you don't like the way I describe it," Raj grumped, "Bull headed, banana slug…"

Leonard sighed, running a hand through his hair, "You're right, you're right, I'm sorry Raj, I'm just…I'm worried about Sheldon."

"No, you're worried about Penny," Howard corrected and when both Raj and Leonard gaped at him, Howard shrugged, "Hey; I have insight too, all right? I'm not always…" he shook his head, "You're worried about Penny, because when she finds out she'll flip, be sad, or both and you don't want that. Weddings are more of an event for women than they are for men. You just want her to be happy."

Hearing the words from Howard of all people really made them ring out in Leonard's head and he found himself nodding slowly, "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"But what about Sheldon?" Raj returned gently.

There was an uncomfortable silence. Howard broke it, "I think we should compromise."

Leonard blinked, "How so?"

"We let things go on as planned, nice, normal, no ringing alarm bells. No reason to let Penny know until we absolutely have to. You keep your eyes on the prize and Raj and I will start quietly looking into where Sheldon has gone. Hopefully we'll find him before the big day and, if not, at least everything is still in place for the big day minus one exception, me standing in for Sheldon up at the alter."

Leonard sighed, another hand combing through his hair, "Sounds reasonable."

"I still don't think we'll find Sheldon. Not if he doesn't want to be found," Raj sighed, but, looking at Leonard, said softly, "But we'll try."

"The most important thing is that we don't tell Penny-"

"Tell Penny what?" Penny announced as she entered the apartment, Missy right behind her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Title:** The Crossroads Conundrum

**Part 8:** Sheldon  
**Author:** she_burns1  
**Pairing:** Sheldon/Penny, Leonard/Penny  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count:** 2,302**  
****Summary:** Future!fic! Sheldon, Penny, and Leonard all thought they knew exactly what they wanted, but with a big change on the way, all three begin to question themselves, and each of them is lead in a direction they had not anticipated.  
**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Author's Note:** SURPRISE! I bet you all thought this fic was dead, didn't you? Not that I blame you. Took me ages and ages...in fact, you probably don't even remember this...but if you do and you're happy, well then, not only am I flattered but YAY! And, not to worry! I have this story almost completely finished, so you will not have to linger in wait for the next part! This story will officially be 15 parts, and I am currently finishing up Part 13. I plan on posting each part a bit at a time! So...hope you enjoy?

_Gravity. It keeps you rooted to the ground. In space, there's not any gravity. You just kind of leave your feet and go floating around. Is that what being in love is like?_ - **Josh Brand**

"Read it to me again."

"I have all ready read it to you more than once and, each time; have expressed not only my displeasure, but my disapproval at doing so. Repetitive tasks such as this are-"

"Please?"

Sheldon let out an aggrieved sigh as he scowled in Ben's direction. Sheldon had been disconcerted to find he had drifted off earlier, and, upon awakening, had found that one whole side of his body was uncomfortably warm. Peering down he had discovered Ben slumped against him, the small child deeply asleep.

Clearing his throat, Sheldon had nudged the boy slightly, causing him to wake. Sheldon had tried shooing him off on to his mother but Ben was not to be swayed. For some reason, wholly indiscernible to Sheldon, the boy seemed to like spending time with him.

In fact he had only left Sheldon's side temporarily to secure some of his belongings, one of which was a book that he pestered Sheldon into reading to him over and over again ad nauseum.

Sheldon didn't know why he continued to do so, past the fact that Ben somehow seemed to have some sort of pull over him and it was more than his eyes, which, even on further inspection, were still the same color and shade of Penny's.

It was his mannerisms and his facial expressions and little things that just…it was like having a small, little piece of her with him.

Which just made things worse.

"Benjamin, no amount of pleading will persuade me to-"

"But it's my _favorite_." Ben stressed the last word and there was a little steel there. Sheldon felt his lips quirk slightly and wished they wouldn't. But he couldn't help it. He almost heard her voice there.

He took in a deep breath, "Very well. But this is the last time."

Sheldon cleared his throat and started from the beginning, "Once upon a time…"

Sheldon cringed at the beginning as he always did. Once upon a time. What a terrible way to start a story. So many holes right there in the opening. But he continued on, because he had voiced his issues before and Ben was pretty valiant at not only ignoring him but urging him onwards until the story's reading was complete.

Ben peered over his arm now and then, looking at the pictures in the book intently, as if seeing them for the first time. Sheldon drew nearer to the end of the story, "'Oh dear me, where am I?" she cried and the Prince answered joyfully, "You are with me," and he told her what had happened, adding, "Snow White, I love you better than anyone in the whole wide world. Will you come with me to my father's palace and be my wife?" and Snow White consented and went with him and the marriage was celebrated with great pomp and splendor."

Sheldon stopped here. It was not the end of the story, but each time he read this passage he found it harder to read through than the last and Ben had to make a loud 'humph' sound and elbow him until he came back to himself and finished.

Sheldon pushed the book towards Ben, "There. Done."

Ben took the book and turned it in his hands a couple of times. He looked intently at Sheldon, before saying, "I like the dwarves."

"Agreed. Though the story in and of itself is something of a laughable morality tale lecturing about the evils of jealousy."

Ben blinked.

Sheldon could almost hear an echoed voice saying 'huh' and he sighed, explaining, "Most of the story deals with the Queen's jealousy over Snow White's looks and, in essence, her issues with vanity."

"I like Dopey the best." Ben supplied.

"Not surprising," Sheldon muttered, but continued the conversation dryly, "Though the story in which I just read you, did not, in point of fact, have the dwarves named. Indeed, the original Brothers' Grimm tale did not deign to label them with such simplistic names such as 'Happy' and 'Sleepy' and so on."

A distinctly familiar female voice remarked, "Is Grumpy your favorite?"

Sheldon blinked and looked at Ben, "I beg your pardon?"

"I said which one is your favorite?" Ben repeated; looking like he had asked no other question and Sheldon frowned. Had he just heard the earlier question or not? No, no, he couldn't have. He looked around warily. The elderly black woman across from them was still sleeping and Ben's mother was still sitting to the other far side of the car. No way could someone have asked that.

Troubled but not restrained, Sheldon answered, "Considering my options, I am invariably left with Doc, who, while suffering from an almost debilitating ability to express himself verbally upon occasion, is obviously still the best educated and veritable leader of the group. Not to mention the glasses are a nice touch."

"My Daddy wears glasses."

"Does he?"

Ben nodded, "We're going to see him."

Sheldon added nothing to this and a simple silence settled in between the two of them. Sheldon looked out the window and saw that several buildings within view were now passing by slowly, indicating that the locomotive was reaching its first stop.

This distracted Sheldon from the fact that Ben had grabbed his journal and a crayon and was now steadily doodling within in it. Once he did notice, he took in such a loud breath it was almost comical, "What are you doing?"

Ben looked indifferent as he turned Sheldon's journal towards him so he could see. Ben had written his name and done a simple drawing of three stick figured people. The first was tall and had the name 'Shelldin' scribbled beneath it. The second was far shorter than the other two figures and was named 'Ben'. The third, and last, stick figure was, from the ridiculous circles that could be construed as breasts, a woman. She was labeled 'Piny'.

Sheldon looked at the picture and then at Ben, frowning, his tone accusatory, "What, exactly, was the point of this graffiti?"

Ben shrugged, exhaling out of his nose as he shifted about in his seat, "'S a present."

Sheldon's eyes widened incredulously, "A present?"

Ben nodded and obviously felt there was no further need to elaborate. Sheldon was flabbergasted. Here he had spent all this time with this little hooligan who had demanded re-readings of an inane children's tale and all he got in return was the defacement of his personal property.

His mouth worked silently, trying to think of the proper rebuttal for such a thing when Ben beat him to the punch, stating calmly, "I like you, Sheldon."

Sheldon just stared at him, not so much speechless as just, well, struck.

"I hope you get to see Penny soon."

The train had come to a complete stop and Ben's mother walked over towards them. She smiled warmly, "Ben, sweetie, we've come to our stop. Time to go."

Ben got to his feet and gathered his items together. Sheldon blinked a few times, still processing and then he dug through his bag. He found one of his comics, a recent issue that he recalled having another copy of at home. At least, he hoped he had another copy, as he grudgingly offered it to the boy, "Here."

Ben gave him a little smile and took the gift. Ben's mother also smiled as she poked Ben's shoulder softly, "What do we say?"

"Thank you, Sheldon."

"No need for thanks, as I've said to others, the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. I do this more out of requirement than out of preference. I would prefer not to give you anything, but social niceties require that I give you something."

Ben's mother frowned, "What?"

"That's just the way he talks." Ben offered with a shrug and moved back to the side where he had intitally sat with his mother to make sure he had collected everything.

Ben's mother merely shook her head, "Sheldon, was it?," Sheldon nodded and she continued, "I'm Nancy, Ben's mother. Thanks again for watching him. You're really good with children."

Sheldon's eyebrows drew together in confusion, "In what way?"

Nancy sighed, rolling her eyes and ignoring him as she muttered, "Certainly better than my ex-husband. He'd rather spend time doodling with my ex-best friend than doodling with my son in a coloring book, if you catch my drift."

"I do not." Sheldon replied, all ready trying to break down what she had said and then easily putting it aside. What did it matter anyway? She was no one of importance. The statistical likelihood of his seeing her again was almost astronomical. Still, something she had said did hold his attention, even if just in the slightest, "You say your ex-husband…"

Nancy nodded, "Yeah, we just got divorced last year. Turns out he was 'in love' with one of my friends and she said she felt the same."

The term 'in love' was accompanied by the gesture that Sheldon had discovered to be 'air quotes' and he frowned, "So they're," he repeated the gesture, "'Not in love'."

"Oh, they very well may be, but I sure would have liked to know that long before he and I got married and had a child."

"Your friend, the one who fell in love with your husband, would you say the fault of your relationship ending lies with her?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, do you hold her responsible for the ending of your marriage and, if so, do you, at all, understand her point of view in the affair? For example, was it by choice that she became involved with your husband or is it possible that she was suffering from a biological imperative that she was unaware she was afflicted with until she was confronted by it?"

Nancy struggled to answer but could only produce another, "Huh?"

Before the issue could be pursed further, Ben returned to his mother's side and took her hand, "Mom?"

Nancy shook her head several times, as if trying to dissuade a headache, as she said numbly, "Ben, tell your…friend…goodbye."

"Good bye, Sheldon, it was nice meeting you."

"Benjamin." Sheldon offered simply as Ben and his mother exited the train.

Once they were gone and the locomotive started moving again, Sheldon sighed and settled into what he thought to be a nice, serene silence. He looked out the window once more but found the scenery to be marred by an overcast sky and the falling of night.

He opened his journal and perused the picture Ben had drawn for him. His fingers floated over the stick figure named 'Piny'. It looked nothing like her. And yet…

"Interesting conversation."

Sheldon looked up and saw the woman across from him looking at him. Sheldon frowned, "Excuse me?"

"You and the boy talking earlier…about the girl…what was her name…?"

"Penny. And I thought you were sleeping."

"Oh, that's the problem when you get to be my age. You close your eyes for a few minutes and people assume you're either sleeping or dead. So, the girl, Penny, she's not with you?"

Sheldon ignored the question, "That was a private conversation between Benjamin and myself, so I see in no way that it concerns you. Not to mention that the practice of eavesdropping has been, and always will be, looked down upon."

"True enough, sugar, and I'm not arguing with you, but facts is facts and I overheard you. Now, we've got a long way to go before the next stop. You're alone and I'm alone, nobody but us in this whole train cab, and there ain't much to do between here and there. Maybe you could humor an old woman and tell me your story."

Sheldon opened his mouth to reply but faltered for a moment. The woman gave him something of a humored smile, "Name's Gloria, by the by."

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, "Sheldon."

"See? Now we know one another."

Sheldon frowned, finding it strange that she had somehow picked up on thoughts he had just barely formed in his own mind. Maybe he had been wrong in his earlier assumptions about the possibilities of telepathy.

Gloria waited patiently, hands folded on her lap, warm brown eyes intent on his face. Sheldon avoided her eyes as best as possible, face twitching, "Where would you like me to start?"

"Where all good stories start, sugar. At the beginning."

Sheldon licked his lips, his eyes finally finding comfort by settling on his hands, "All right."


	9. Chapter 9

**Title:** The Crossroads Conundrum

**Part 9:** Penny

**Author:** she_burns1

**Pairing:** Sheldon/Penny, Leonard/Penny, Raj/Missy

**Rating:** PG-13

**Word Count: **2,171

**Summary:** Future!fic! Sheldon, Penny, and Leonard all thought they knew exactly what they wanted, but with a big change on the way, all three begin to question themselves, and each of them is lead in a direction they had not anticipated.

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended.

_The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost._ - **G.K. Chesterton**

"So, you have no idea where he is?" Penny asked incredulously, as she shook Sheldon's note in the direction of the three men.

"To be fair, we haven't really started looking." Howard said sheepishly.

Missy plucked the note from Penny's fingers as she sat in Leonard's chair and scanned over it, "Shelly always does love a good run away when things get complicated or don't go his way. One time, when my parents got in a fight too loud for his record player to drown out, he ran all the way to MeeMaw's house."

Howard scoffed, "That couldn't have been far-"

"It was two states over," Missy deadpanned, "He was six."

Howard's eyes bugged a bit and Raj whispered in his ear. Howard did a double take as he looked from Missy to Raj and then back again, before hissing under his breath, "I'm not going to tell her that!"

Missy gave Raj an interested look, "Yeah, cutie pie, you got something you want to tell me, you tell me your little self. You can even whisper it in my ear if you want."

Missy ducked a few long strands of hair behind her ear and angled it towards him. Raj, in return, ducked behind Howard as he turned several interesting shades. Amused, Missy let the hair fall back into place, shooting him a flirtatious grin.

Disgusted, Howard interrupted the moment, "I find it hard to believe that at only six Sheldon could…okay, and yes, again, just realized what I'm saying. But still, Sheldon doesn't easily break out of his routine. I doubt he's run away to another state."

"I wouldn't be surprised. Or do you not remember when he ran all the way to my Mama's in Texas after that lil' stunt you boneheads pulled on him after he got back from the Artic," Missy said icily, "My brother may be a pain, but messing with his work…"

"And we apologized for that!" Leonard whined, "It was years ago!"

"My brother may be one helluva handful, but his work means everything to him, and messing with it," Missy sighed, shaking her head, "How he's ever gonna get rockets past the moon with you all around, lord only knows."

Leonard raised an eyebrow, "Rockets past the moon?"

Missy frowned, "He _is_ a rocket scientist, right?"

She began muttering to herself, "No, no, wasn't that, was it? What did he tell me last time…toll booth ticket taker? No…maybe he's a chemist? Biologist…?"

While Missy quietly contemplated what exactly her brother did do for a living, Howard spoke up, "Well, I doubt he's gone that far this time. Besides, his mother didn't seem all too happy that he showed up unannounced that first time. Though I still wonder why he ran to her of all people. If I was running away from home it would be to get _away_ from my mother, not go _towards_ her. In fact, if I had a choice of mothers to run to, I'd probably run to Raj's."

It was now Raj's turn to look bug eyed and Howard shrugged, "Sorry, dude, your Mom's hot."

Words weren't needed to express how Raj felt about this, as he started to lunge at Howard with clawed hands but he didn't get very far as Leonard stepped between the two of them, voice tired, "Look, I'm sure Sheldon didn't go to his Mom's, but he obviously went _somewhere_. While running away isn't a new trick for him, he still did it again and we still have to find him again. So? Where could he be?"

Howard shrugged, "Comic store?"

Raj had relaxed slightly and edged back towards Howard to whisper in his ear. Howard shrugged again, offering Raj's suggestion, "CalTech?"

"I all ready called there. No one has seen him. And the comic store is closed for the weekend because Stuart has chicken pox."

Howard looked surprised, "Chicken pox?"

Leonard waved an impatient hand, "He held a kiddie card game last week. Bunch of second graders crawling around. He told me he was more thankful that it was chicken pox over the lice he was sure the winner had."

Howard shuddered, "Oh yeah, lice is bad. Did you know it can spread? Anywhere there's hair. This one time-"

Leonard looked a cross between agitated and revolted as he said, "Howard, I told you, I'm pretty sure that was crabs and I am positive no one wants to hear that story."

"Amen." Missy said firmly.

Leonard looked apprehensively at Penny and he shuffled a little closer to her, "You're not saying much."

Penny shook her head, "I just can't believe that he's gone."

"We'll find him." Leonard reassured her, his hand rubbing warmly at her back, "Don't you worry about a thing. We'll find him before the wedding."

"The wedding?" Penny whispered, blinking, then, contritely, "Oh. Yes. The wedding."

Leonard opened his mouth, about to ask her something when Missy sighed, "Well, ya'll know what? I'm not worried. After all, my brother is a creature of habit. And, unlike those other times, you have the added benefit of having me around. Now, I may not have Shelly's agenda tattooed in my brain like I did when we were growing up, but I know some things never change. There is no way on earth Shelly left without the following;"

She began to tick them off on her fingers, "Money, his cell phone, and his lil' man purse. Now, the last one there ain't no way of tracking save asking people, but the other two shouldn't be a problem, 'specially with you eggheads around. I'm sure one of you can hack into his account and track his bank card and the other can probably triangulate his phone or whatever. So? Let's get crackin', chop, chop!"

Missy clapped her hands but Leonard just shook his head, "No go on the check card or the credit card or anything like that. The peanut butter brittle can is empty as is Green Lantern's hollowed-out butt."

Everyone shot Leonard a wiry look and his face colored slightly, "It's where he kept his extra cash," When no one said anything he rambled on, "Cash, cash, my point is, he took cash! So…no traceable cards."

"But his phone-"

"You mean this phone?" Leonard asked as he pulled Sheldon's cell phone out of his pocket and tossed it towards Missy, "First thing I did before calling CalTech. Found it in his bedroom on his dresser."

Missy held the phone, her eyes downcast, looking at it as if she couldn't possibly be holding it, "Okay, I take it back…I am worried."

"Good, join the club, we can make matching shirts," Leonard muttered with defeat as he collapsed on Sheldon's side of the couch. He sat there, swiveling about a little in the seat, "Huh, still feels warm."

"Okay, well, waxing poetic isn't going to bring him back, we need a plan," Howard said, pacing, Raj at his heels, "If only we knew why he left…"

"Gee, I wonder why, don't you, Penny?" Missy asked pointedly. Penny shot her a venomous look but Missy returned it and Penny's faltered a little. After all, Missy was missing a brother and Penny was only missing…

What _was_ she missing?

What was Sheldon to her now?

Penny felt heat flush through her as the memory of their lips connecting flashed through her mind. Such a short moment, barely seconds but it made her heart race. What would have happened if they had actually kissed?

Penny licked her lips, then nodded her head determinedly, "All right, plans, that's where I come in. I'm taking charge, junior rodeo style."

"Does that mean you're going to tie me up?" Howard asked hopefully. Everyone shot him a baleful look and he had the decency to look a little ashamed, "Sorry. Just wanted to, you know, boost morale?"

"I'll give you a boost," Missy offered sweetly, jerking a thumb behind her, "Right out that ol' window."

"As much as I'd enjoy that, I'm afraid we need Howard up and walking," Penny said with a tiny grin, "In particular, I need him and Raj to go visit the only people in this room past us that Sheldon has talked to and not completely alienated himself from. Or, more accurately, have not devised something akin to a restraining order against him."

Raj whispered in Howard's ear and Howard spoke, "Who exactly are you talking about?"

"Far as I know, there are only two other people that Sheldon has had any extra communication with: Leslie Winkle and…oh, you know…that guy," Penny snapped her fingers as she tried to remember, "…tawks whike whise."

"Barry Kripke?" Leonard offered.

Penny pointed at him, "That's the one!"

"But why…?"

"Well, Sheldon went somewhere and I doubt he could have gotten very far on foot. He must have gotten a ride from someone. After all, they haven't changed bus regulations to allow him to bungee cord himself down and can you see him in a cab?"

Everyone sort of smirked at that and then Leonard said forlornly, "Today's Wednesday. New comic book day and creamy tomato soup day."

Raj whispered once more in Howard's ear and Howard whispered back, "Yeah, I'm understanding the 'dearest Leonard' more and more…"

Leonard scowled.

Penny cleared her throat, her voice strong, commanding, as she said, "So? What are you guys waiting for?"

"Well, it's unlikely he went to Leslie," Howard said cautiously, thumb tugging at his lower lip as he rubbed his chin, "She's the last person he'd ask for help."

"Then go see Kripke!"

Howard saluted her, "Yes, sir, General, sir!"

Penny gave him a withering look and he rolled his eyes a little, "Look, we'll go, we'll go, just…you know, _relax_ a little. I know brides get all strung out before the big day, but we still have some time," he looked at Penny, voice sincere, "We'll find him before then. Promise."

Penny relaxed, but only marginally, as confusion flooded her. Seeing her and, again, almost preternaturally knowing what was going through her mind, Missy rose to her feet, "Come on, boys. I'll go with you."

Howard raised an eyebrow and swaggered over to her, "Oh really?"

Missy smiled smugly, as she tossed her long hair over one shoulder and walked over to Raj. She rested an arm on his shoulder and looked at him, "Yeah. Really."

Raj's knees were starting to wobble and he looked close to fainting, so she quickly looped his arm with hers and tugged him upright, "Come on, cutie pie, let's go talk to your friend."

She started tugging Raj towards the door and regarded Howard over one shoulder, "Come on, Romeo. Let's leave the love birds to hold down the fort. I'm sure they've got a lot to talk about."

This last part was said almost directly to Penny as the two women locked eyes. Penny swallowed thickly. Once the trio was gone, Penny felt numb. She didn't look at Leonard as she wearily lowered herself into his chair. She saw Sheldon's note out of the corner of her eye, resting where Missy had left it on the coffee table. She went to pick it up only to have her fingers brush Leonard's.

"Oh, I'm sorry-"

"No, if you want to-"

"I was just-"

"You can-"

The fragmented sentences stumbled out of them and it really didn't matter who said what. What mattered was how the moment felt. Penny's eyes were hot, pricked with unshed tears and she had never known she could feel so miserable in all her life. Here she was, with the man she loved, the man she was going to marry, and she had never felt more alone.

She took the letter and read it again. Sheldon's script was bizarrely elegant and her fingertips traced the words. Leonard. He had left Leonard a note. Nothing for her. Nothing. Even Howard had gotten something, but her…

_What did you expect him to do?_ A voice hissed in her mind and she shook her head as if the words had been spoken aloud. She didn't know. She didn't know what she had expected him to do. After all, what could he do?

What could he say?

What could she say?

And this situation between them, it was not simply a matter between two people. She looked up and saw Leonard looking at her. She swallowed again.

This was a matter between three.


	10. Chapter 10

**Title:** The Crossroads Conundrum

**Part 10:** Sheldon

**Author:** she_burns1

**Pairing:** Sheldon/Penny, Leonard/Penny

**Rating:** PG-13

**Word Count: **2,016

**Summary**: Future!fic! Sheldon, Penny, and Leonard all thought they knew exactly what they wanted, but with a big change on the way, all three begin to question themselves, and each of them is lead in a direction they had not anticipated.

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended

_You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel._ – **Anonymous **

Sheldon loved to talk.

Technically speaking.

Once he got started on a subject, especially if it was pertaining to physics, he could go on for what felt like, to many, a millennia. He would start off simple but then be distracted by the intricacies of other facts that arose from the beginning topic. He sometimes liked to think that this was because everything in creation, at its core, branched out to another, like the finite invisible strings that held the universe together.

And this meant, essentially, that everything could be related back to science and, in particular, back to physics.

As such, his conversation with Gloria, in which he told her his 'story' was, in no way, short in its' telling. It weaved on from one hour to the next and was occasionally broken by one or the other's need to use the restroom or to get something to eat or drink and so on.

By the time Sheldon reached the end, the world outside was dark and starless and he half expected Gloria was asleep as, yet again, her eyes were closed. But as he said, "And that's about it," she opened her eyes, yet again surprising him.

But then, this seemed to be a specialty of hers. Most people, when confronted with his long winded explanations, quickly grew bored or annoyed or both. But Gloria, for the most part, had been a patient participant to his talking almost to a point that he found troubling.

Sheldon was not used to someone he did not know being so completely patient with him.

In fact, people he _did_ know weren't even this patient. The closest he could think of was his mother and even she grew weary from time to time. Well, actually, his MeeMaw could usually hold out the longest and, in many ways, the woman before him was quite similar. Not only were the two women most likely close in age, but they both provided him with a surprising lack of discomfort that was unusual.

Well, primarily.

This woman did have a way of making him uncomfortable when she would skewer him with a look, as she did now, one eyebrow raised, "That's quite a story. Thank you for telling it to me."

"Well, I didn't see the harm. Besides, your earlier display of possible latent psychic abilities suggested that if I didn't tell you the information you might try to extract it from my mind and I imagine that would be unpleasant."

Gloria chuckled, "You think I can read minds?"

Sheldon didn't answer.

She shook her head, "Sugar, haven't you ever heard of intuition?"

"My mother and sister have mentioned it to me, once or twice. My mother says

_intuition_ is _God's_ built in navigation system that maps our twists and turns to carefully point us in the right direction. I personally like to think of it as over inflated hokum."

"Well, I assure you, I'm neither psychic nor god, I'm just as much flesh and blood as you are."

Sheldon's face twitched slightly, "We're made up of a lot more than that…"

Gloria chuckled, "You know, you're cute. You remind me of my husband. He has a way of talking, all fast and rambling like a brook, makes me think you two would have a fun time chattin'."

"Highly unlikely."

"Ohh," she almost cooed, "You never know. Life might just surprise you."

Sheldon didn't respond and Gloria just kept pegging him with her eyes, as if she could see right through him as she said nonchalantly, "So, how long you been in love with the girl?"

Sheldon blinked owlishly, "I beg your pardon?"

"Penny, sugar, how long?"

Sheldon's head reared back slightly, eyebrows knitted together, "Penny….Leonard…obviously you haven't listened to a word I've said."

Gloria waved a hand, "Child, I listened to every word, even the ones I didn't understand, and all I got from it was that you in love with girl."

Sheldon scoffed, arms folding, "Do you perhaps require a hearing device?"

Gloria gave him the type of smile that made him shift about his seat and think about apologizing when she spoke again, "You ran away from home."

"I-"

"You ran away from home and yes, I imagine, you've done it before, but not like this. You are the type of individual who hates change, who avoids it at all costs."

"I-"

She continued to interrupt him, her warm voice sort of melded with a steely tone that brokered no more interruptions, "You follow a strict schedule, you never break it and if you do break it, it is because something very important came up, something involving your career, or," and she looked at him very pointedly here, "Or something went horribly, horribly wrong. Now, looking at you, listening to you talk, I imagine it's the latter."

She looked him up and down, "You haven't sat straight this entire trip. You fidget and you slouch and you do it in a way that suggests you don't do that often. I see you back at home, back in that little apartment you told me about, mostly standing tall, straight, proud. You think you're better than everyone else, you think you're…what was that word? Homo novo…?"

She shook her head, "Don't matter, you think you an alpha male. But, much as you'd like to control everything, you don't. Especially not all the little people below you, scurrying about like ants. Doing such silly, plebian things like falling in love and getting married. And you ignore it for the most part, long as it don't interfere with what you do, but then, ah, but then-"

Here he spoke, voice tinged with dismay, "Penny."

"Bingo," Gloria said, tone soft again, "Imagine she's always been there, maybe you gave her some thought, maybe you didn't. Regardless, one day, out of the blue, she surprises you with something you never even conceived of before. Am I right?"

Sheldon sighed tiredly, "Your argument is flimsy and full of holes."

"Oh? Really? How so? Enlighten me."

Sheldon licked his lips and hated the fact that he even had to pause before answering, "You suggest that I have some…feelings…for Penny that would be inherently inappropriate considering she is engaged to my best friend. I shall admit some trouble at grasping certain social mores, but this one is quite clear in my mind. Besides, the fact that I am a stronger individual than others and, in point of truth, in this way, have no peers, should not be held against me. "

"You're stronger?"

Sheldon sniffed loudly, "I have no need for romantic entanglements. They would distract me from my work and I have worked diligently to rise above such a possibility. Not to mention that I am mystified as to why anyone would ever want to be involved in one."

Gloria raised an eyebrow, "You? Mystified? Really?"

Sheldon, realizing what he had just said, colored slightly, "Not…completely. I could figure out the answer. Surely. Or give you approximated reasons as to why I think people pursue such ridiculous-"

"You look down on love?"

"It's foolish," Sheldon returned easily, "And four parts repulsive."

"Only four?" Gloria retorted with something of a chuckle and Sheldon was about to say more but she waved it off again, "Sugar, you may be a smart man, but you've got a blind spot the size of Texas."

"I hardly see what my birth state has to do with-"

"You in love with the girl," Gloria repeated, "Now, I've always said you can't _tell_ somebody when they in love, they just know. They know it deep down, eyeballs to entrails, but you….you actually _need_ the telling. And so," she shrugged simply, "I don't know, I don't fear you; I don't see the need to spare your feelings or thoughts or what-have-yous. So, I'm telling you, you in love with the girl."

"I am not."

She took in a deep breath, "Maybe it happened in that instant when you almost kissed. Maybe it happened before then. Maybe it happened after. Maybe…just maybe, it happened the moment you set foot on this train. But at some point, you fell so hard deep in love with the girl that you're almost smacked dumb with it. It's made you sorta blind and sorta stupid and I imagine it's such a new thing to you, you can't even recognize it."

Sheldon's voice was slightly hysterical and slightly angry as he said, "The girl is named Penny."

"And you love her."

Sheldon looked away from her, a muscle in his jaw ticking, "You…I'm…we're at an impasse."

Gloria smiled, "Didn't mean to upset you so, not really, 's just…love, it's not a decision, baby. It's a feeling. I imagine you don't _like_ feelings, but that's what it is. You can't just make up your mind to not ever fall in love. You can't quantify it, you can't control it, you can't even really rise above it."

She looked at him sagely, "Now you, you're special. You really could be someone who might've never fallen in love. Save for the fact that your roommate couldn't keep his yapper shut when a pretty girl moved across the hall ages ago. She came into your life, weaved her way in. She became a part of it and a part of you. Could have just stayed a friend, I imagine, but then, then she offered you the possibility, the inkling, of more. And it don't matter if she's engaged to be married or not-"

"It does matter," Sheldon interrupted sharply, "It _matters_."

Gloria looked sad as she nodded, "Because she's marrying your best friend."

Sheldon didn't answer and, for once, Gloria said nothing. Silence reigned in the train cab for the first time in hours. It was broken by the sound of a voice over the intercom announcing a stop. Gloria's eyes twinkled and she rose to her feet. She began collecting her items and Sheldon realized she was leaving. This was her stop.

Gloria was just about to pass him, just about to leave when she handed him a square packet wrapped in parchment paper, a black string tied neatly around it, "Here. You take these."

Sheldon took the package and looked at her.

Gloria smiled, "I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone and still wanting to be with them, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you."

Sheldon didn't know what to say to that.

"You're a man of science," she offered reassuringly, "You'll know what to do. You'll figure it out."

And then she was gone.

The train started moving again and Sheldon looked around the train cab.

No Ben. No Nancy. No Gloria.

He was alone.

Just like he had wanted…

Sheldon carefully unwrapped the package. Inside was a collection of postcards. He flipped each one over, looking at the different images, the blank crispness of their backsides, waiting for words, waiting for something…

Sheldon licked his lips and reached into his bag to pull out a pen. He hesitated over the back of one of the postcards for what felt like an eternity. Finally he began to write.


	11. Chapter 11

**Part 11:** Missy, Howard, and Raj

_One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love_. - **Sophocles**

"So what's this guy's deal again?"

"What? You mean Barwy?" Howard said and Raj chuckled silently into his hands.

"Yeah, what's with the voice?"

"That's how he talks," Howard explained.

Missy raised an eyebrow, "Like Elmer Fudd?"

"The very same," Howard said cheerily as they walked up to the CalTech building, "I'm sure he's here. Barry's almost as much of a social outcast as Sheldon is. The difference being he alienates people by being nothing short of a complete ass."

Raj whispered in Howard's ear and Howard smiled, "Yeah, okay, maybe not _that_ much of a difference, really."

Howard shrugged, "Honestly, it's kind of surprising considering their similarities that Sheldon and Barry aren't the best of friends. But then, Barry took a liking to playing pranks on Sheldon."

"So, they're rivals?"

"Close enough."

"I don't understand, why would Shelly ask this man for help then?"

"He probably didn't, but, you know, Penny _did_ say junior rodeo style," Howard opened the door and waved inside, giving Missy his best Casanova leer, "This way, milady."

"Mm, no, how about you go ahead," Missy said, her eyes on Raj, "I wanna talk to your friend a minute."

Howard scowled jealously, about to argue, but the look Missy shot him was more than enough for him to hold up his hands in surrender. He entered the building and went straight to Kripke's office.

Kripke answered the door, frowning, "Haven't seen him."

Howard raised an eyebrow, "And 'hello' to you too, Barry. Funny, I didn't have a chance yet to even ask if you had seen anyone."

"Well," This word came out in such a way that Howard almost couldn't help but laugh a little, "Wegardwess, I haven't seen him."

"Come on, Barry, if you know where Sheldon is, please just tell me. We need to find him."

"Wow, Howard, bit Bwokeback fo' you. I thought that's what Waj was fo'."

Howard gave him a death glare, "Leonard's wedding is coming up and Sheldon is the best man. We need him for the ceremony."

"No, you need the bwide and gwoom, which you have, so what does it matter if Cooper is gone? Besides, with him gone I imagine you can be the best man, now. Better fo' you, isn't it?"

Howard rolled his head about his shoulders, "True."

"So buzz owf," Kripke said firmly, "Go find some stwippews. Take your mind owf things. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get my work done. I'm gonna go meet some fewwo colleagues and go pway some hackey sack."

Missy and Raj came around the corner and Kripke opened the door wider, whistling, "Hewwo, beautiful."

Missy bit her lip, stifling giggles, "Wow, he really does talk like Elmer!"

"Elmer who? He your boyfwiend?"

"No, no."

"What's your name?"

"Missy."

"Ah, nice, nice, much better than Weonard's futuwe wife's name."

Missy frowned, "Excuse me?"

"Penny," Howard explained, "He doesn't like the name, said it wasn't hot, wanted to call her 'Roxanne."

She raised an eyebrow, drawing out the next word, "Really."

Howard winked, "Like I said then, makes me look better and better, doesn't it?"

Missy let out a little huff, rolling her eyes as she pegged Barry with a cold stare, "Look, have you seen my brother or not?"

"Whoa, whoa, Sheldon is your bwother?" Barry looked her up and down, "Inconceivable. That appwe musta feww way owf the twee."

"Okay, you know what? The voice was cute at first, but now it's just annoying, what the heck did he just say?"

Howard was about to oblige again, "He said-"

"I said you're hot and you're bwother's not," Barry offered silkily, "Now, I may or may not have seen your browther, but if you want that infowmation, it's gonna cost you."

"Oh really?" Missy asked, arms crossed, face a steely mask.

Barry either didn't see, or didn't care, as he continued to push his luck. He rubbed the back of his fingers along his shirt and blew on them, trying to make the act casual as he said, "Yeah, so, what do you say, Xena, you in?"

"Xena?" Missy repeated, nostrils flaring.

"Yeah, you're taww, gorgeous, and, taww, maybe a bit too taww but you can always kneel down, if you know what I mean. I'm about to get off work, so how about you and me go pway some hacky sack and-"

"Okay, that's it; I don't have time for this." Missy snarled as she grabbed Barry roughly by the collar of his shirt and dragged him deeper into his office. The very high shriek Barry released was enough to make Raj recoil, but Howard just looked excited as he whooped, "Oh, it's on! Junior rodeo time! IT. IS. ON!"

Fifteen minutes later, Missy, Raj and Howard stood outside with a small group of CalTech employees, students, and emergency personnel as the ambulance finished loading Kripke into the back.

Missy rubbed her hands together, "Okay! So! _Now_ we're getting somewhere! Barry drove Sheldon to the train station!"

"Yeah, but, you know, I never thought I'd feel sympathetic towards Barry Kripke but, jeez," Howard tugged at the collar of his own shirt as he watched the ambulance drive off, "You play a mean game of hacky sack."

Missy flexed her fingers, giving him an evil smile, "Oh yeah, my brother and Barry both have learned that the hard way. Would you-?"

"No! No! No!" Howard squealed, his hands protectively covering the spot between his legs.

"Hmm, thought not," Missy purred as she turned to Raj, voice tender, "Promise I'll never handle you that way, my little caramel cutie pie."

Howard sighed, rolling his eyes, "So…train station?"

Missy nodded, "Yeah, we can show some of the people working there his picture, maybe try to narrow down where he went. And when we find him, I can even give him the fifty he paid Kripke to drive him there," Missy now rubbed the back of her fingers along her shirt and blew on them, "What can I say? I'm good."

"I'll say." Raj said, smirking.

Howard's jaw dropped open. He looked at Raj, then at Missy, then at Raj again, "Raj! Man! You-you spoke!"

Raj nodded.

"In-in front of a woman!"

Raj nodded again.

Howard pointed at Missy, "In front of _that_ woman!"

Raj looked at Missy and let out a dreamy breath as he nodded. Missy giggled and nudged him a little, "Isn't he the sweetest thing?"

Howard was still flabbergasted.

Missy cleared her throat, "Raj, honey, could you get me a drink before we hit the road?"

Raj nodded and walked off, leaving a still thunderstruck Howard with Missy, who looked like the cat who ate the canary as she said simply to his unasked question, "No, he hasn't had a drop of alcohol."

"But..but….how?"

"Oh, it was me," she said, her voice full and sultry, "Just lil' ol' me. Told you I'm good._ Real _good."

"What…what did you….do to him?"

Missy smirked and winked at him, "Things you can only dream about."

Howard wondered if it wasn't too late for the ambulance to turn around and pick him up, as he was quite sure he was minutes from cardiac arrest.


	12. Chapter 12

**Title:** The Crossroads Conundrum

**Part 12:** Leonard

**Author:** she_burns1

**Pairing:** Sheldon/Penny, Leonard/Penny

**Rating:** PG-13

**Word Count: 2,710**

**Summary**: Future!fic! Sheldon, Penny, and Leonard all thought they knew exactly what they wanted, but with a big change on the way, all three begin to question themselves, and each of them is lead in a direction they had not anticipated.

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended

_Love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image... otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them._ – **Anonymous**

"Yes, yes….thank you again, Mrs. Cooper. I'm sure wherever he is, he's fine but, if you hear from him first just call…yes, no, I…no, yes, thank you…yes, I'll be sure to pray for him too…no, no that's…yes, okay, thank you again, okay, uh-huh, bye." Penny clicked Sheldon's cell phone shut and continued pacing.

She had called all the numbers on his phone that she thought to be the most important. She imagined when he did come back he would be furious with her for the invasion of his privacy, but if he hadn't wanted it to happen he would have taken the phone with him.

She'd been pacing ever since she'd started making the calls and with each step she found herself torn between a wide variety of emotions. The current one was resentment. How could he do this to everyone? She was worried sick, and now so was his mother. If he had only been less cryptic in his departure…

Leonard hadn't moved an inch, quietly sulking in Sheldon's spot, "What did she say?"

"She hasn't heard anything, but if she does, she says she'll call us. She asked if I called MeeMaw and I told her I hadn't and she said she'd take care of that. She said if Sheldon called anyone, it was most likely be her, as apparently any time anything really upsetting happens that's who he turns to first," Penny said this heatedly, her pace quickening, "I just…I swear, I could _kill_ him!"

"Penny-"

"I mean, now we have to upset his _grandmother_ and all because he left his stupid phone here! And you just _know_ he left it on purpose, because there's no way he would have just forgotten it-"

"Penny, maybe Raj is right and he just wants to be left alone-"

"Or maybe he left his phone because he knew that if he'd had it, I would be talking to him right now, my voice blistering his stupid ear right off his stupid head with the things I would say!" she seethed, "Oh ho, if I could talk to him right now! You know what I'd say? I'd say Sheldon, Sheldon; I'd say you, you…" Penny twisted her hands into fists and punched at the air, words dissolving into angry grunts.

"Nice. Very articulate."

The look Penny shot Leonard made him squirm in his seat. He patted the couch next to him, "I'm sorry. Look…how about you just sit down, all right? Maybe…take a breather?"

Penny fidgeted, angry, and unable to do anything about it. Finally, after some more frenzied pacing, she flopped down on to the couch next to Leonard. She tossed Sheldon's phone onto the coffee table and punched at one of the couch cushions as she sat, as if trying to work out a stubborn lump in the material.

"There. That better?" Leonard asked calmly.

Penny answered with an unattractive snort as she slouched. Leonard turned to her, licking his lips, face apprehensive as he said quietly, "We…we could think about something else for a while…"

Penny didn't answer.

"…could talk about the wedding."

Penny took in a deep breath and turned to him, a little smile on her face, "Yeah. Yeah, we could."

They were silent for a minute. Penny eyed the cell phone and Leonard imagined she was trying to will it to ring. When it didn't, Penny sat up, reached into her pocket and pulled out her own phone. She checked it and, once satisfied no one had called in the last five seconds, deposited it on the table next to Sheldon's.

She stared at both phones and muttered under her breath, "No one's calling…maybe I should go out and look for him too…"

Leonard's mind flashed to one of the previous times Sheldon had run away. Penny whistling out the window to him, as if he was a dog. She had been so concerned, even then, and Leonard felt his lips tug at the memory.

He took in a deep breath and looked at her.

She was so beautiful.

This woman he loved so much, this woman he had asked to marry him.

He looked down at his hands, his voice soft as he said the words he'd been dreading, the ones he had known, somehow, instinctively, that he would say, "This…isn't going to happen…is it?"

Penny turned to him, blinking, stunned, little cupid mouth puzzled and so adorable and he wanted to kiss her, but he knew he wouldn't, as she asked, "What? What are you…?"

"The wedding." He offered, voice small.

Penny's head reared back a little, as she shook her head, hands waving lamely, "Oh, no, no…Leonard, honey…please, no, what are you even-? Of course we're-"

"Don't," he begged then, desperate, "Please, just…don't."

Penny looked at him and he avoided looking at her. The moment was tense, silent, as she swallowed, suddenly feeling the rushing hot and cold that one feels right before something terrible is about to happen. She shook her head, "Leonard…"

"What happened between you and Sheldon?"

Penny's mouth flapped silently and it took her a few minutes to find her voice, "Wh-what? Nothing."

Leonard shot her that look that Penny had very early in their relationship dubbed the 'I'm a scientist, not an idiot' look. She wilted under it, shaking her head, not wanting to answer.

Leonard took in a loud breath through his nose, "Did you kiss him?"

"No."

He shifted on the couch, voice full of disbelief, "Did you…did you sleep with him?"

"No!" Penny gasped; stunned he would even suggest it.

"Well…what exactly _did_ happen?"

Penny's hands didn't know what to do. They fluttered around one another and her head titled back, looking at the ceiling as she tried to think of how best to answer, "I don't…I don't know. I just…it was him and it was me and it was…this moment. And it was confusing. Just…confusing."

Leonard found his mind locking on to the memory of that Saturday night, of her coming to him, to them making love, to him waking up the next day to find her gone. And the distance, the almost imperceptible distance, between Sheldon and Penny after that, "So, nothing happened?"

"No," Penny confessed and she sat up, her gaze on her trembling hands, "I mean we talked and…okay, we-we sort of kissed but-"

"'Sort of kiss'? How do you-"

"Like this," Penny breathed as she leaned into him, their lips brushing.

It was over so quickly that Leonard barely registered her mouth against his at all, "Oh."

"Yeah."

"That…that was confusing."

"Yeah."

Leonard sighed, heart heavy, "So…that's why he left."

"Leonard," Penny whispered, her eyes had been on him ever since she had given him the barest of kisses, "Leonard, he loves you."

"Sheldon loves me?"

Penny shrugged, knowing it sounded silly, but unable to think of any other way to put it, "You're his best friend. I think he left because he didn't want to make things complicated."

He looked back at her, dark eyes hollow behind his glasses, "By being confused."

"Yes."

Silence settled in, an uncomfortable blanket, as they looked at one another. There was nothing to say. And everything to say. And part of Penny wanted to cry, but it felt as though there were no tears left.

Leonard looked at his own hands now, "Does he love you?"

"No," Penny said firmly, then, "I don't know…how can he? How can I…we barely even…I mean we'd _kill_ each other. And it's-it's so stupid. We're…we would be terrible for one another and it's…we can't…it would be crazy. Just crazy."

_Yes, crazy_, Leonard thought, _crazy, just inches from where Sheldon has always been._

It was an old joke. Sheldon being crazy, Sheldon being one lab experiment away from becoming some super villain…

But then, when it had mattered most, Sheldon had left. Maybe he wasn't so crazy, after all, Leonard mused. He knew he would give anything to not be here now. To not have to stare all of this in the face. Leonard felt numb, feeling his lips move but not really knowing how he was speaking, "Sheldon shouldn't have left. I should have."

Penny touched his arm gently, "Leonard…"

He took in a deep breath through his nose as his hand covered hers and gave it a limp squeeze, "Penny…come on, we knew. We both knew."

"Knew-?"

"This wasn't going to happen," He shook his head, "I think we wanted it to…and we tried. We did, but we…it wasn't meant to be."

Penny didn't say anything.

"I love you, Penny. I do. I always will. But there's a difference between loving someone and being _in_ love with someone. I think…this whole relationship…it's never been…I've changed and you've changed and we've compromised and we've tried to be people we're not. And we shouldn't have to do that. Maybe it's because I don't really know who I am or I'm not confidant enough to-"

"Leonard," Penny whispered and, still holding his hand, she gave it a firm squeeze, "You're a great guy."

Leonard shrugged and she could tell he didn't believe her. She rested her head on his shoulder, "You are."

They sat there; quiet for a while, until Penny laughed weakly, "We're doomed."

"Doomed?"

"The wedding…all the planning…"

Leonard's lips felt strange on his face as they twitched, "Howard can take care of it. He wanted to be the best man. He can tell everyone. He can cancel everything."

Penny blinked, her hand disconnecting from his, her head leaving his shoulder as she sat up, "So that's it?"

Leonard finally looked at her again, "Do you want to marry me?"

Penny's mouth opened and closed and Leonard nodded his head, "That's what I thought."

Leonard got to his feet and walked away from her. He went to the window and looked outside, "Penny, I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad at him. I'm not…I'm not mad at anybody."

He was silent for a moment, letting that sink in before saying, "We were playing it safe. I think. And we were afraid. I know I was. I was scared of…"

He shook his head, "We _could_ have been happy. If we had gotten married. Maybe. But…there would have always been that uncertainty. That doubt…that…it would have caught up with us. Because…we're not right for each other. Not really. And if we…if I…I don't…I don't want to go down that road."

Penny looked at Leonard and noticed that he was standing tall. And now that she thought of it, she wasn't sure if she had ever seen him stand like that before. Straight. Confident. It made her lips quirk and her eyes water and it seemed strange then, to be proud of him in some weird way.

He cleared his throat, "I'm going to need some time."

Finally she spoke, "Me too."

Leonard shook his head; a dry rasp leaving him that somewhat resembled a chuckle, "It's funny, you know. This entire…our…I've always been sort of holding my breath. Knowing this was too good to be true and that someday, someday, you would be the one to break up with me."

He turned and looked at her then, "And now look…I broke up with you."

Penny took in a deep breath and got to her feet. She wanted to walk over to him. She wanted to hug him. She wanted to do…something.

But she could think of nothing past the fact that a relationship could take years to build and only minutes to dismantle.

Mechanically she went to the kitchen and poured herself a drink. She looked at the cell phones on the coffee table and wished one of them would ring, wished something would happen to take her and him away from this moment, from this feeling.

But no deus ex machina seemed forth coming, and so she went through the motions. Leonard, for his part, seemed to do the same, walking around the apartment, looking at things like he had never seen them before. Both thought to leave the company of the other, but neither did so, a strange sort of comfort found together.

There was so much to say, but neither of them could find the words. It all felt so surreal and yet the cold, biting reality of their situation nipped at their heels now and again, causing the air between them to feel awkward and stiff.

It was more than a relief when Penny's cell phone finally rang. She picked it up gingerly, voice giving away nothing, "Hello?"

Leonard heard the murmured affirmatives but the other words seemed lost to him as his gaze had settled out the window again. He wondered where Sheldon was. It was times like this that it was almost always best to talk to your closest friend. But Leonard didn't have that option. No best friend. No girlfriend. He was all alone.

And yet…

And yet, he didn't feel as broken as he thought he should.

Maybe it was because, in a way, he had always seen this coming.

Or maybe, just maybe, it was because he was a stronger person than he had thought he was.

It was odd, to find this sort of understanding, this sort of reassurance, within himself, but Leonard found himself humbled by it. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

"Missy and the others are going to the train station," Penny said, her voice quiet but with the breaking of the silence, she may just as well have been shouting, "Barry apparently drove Sheldon there and dropped him off."

Leonard nodded to himself and Penny sighed, "I'm…I'm going to meet them there. Do-do you-?"

Leonard shook his head, "No. No. I'm…I'm going to stay here."

"Leonard…"

Leonard turned to Penny. He walked over, only apprehensive for a moment before he hugged her. She returned the hug, eyes finally welling up, "Leonard…there's…I…"

"Shh," he offered. He wanted to tell her they had said enough. He wanted to tell her there was really no more to say. He wanted to tell her, if anything, they could work it out later. But he didn't. Instead he offered another quiet 'shh' and another warm squeeze within his embrace, his voice almost inaudible against her hair as he whispered, "It's okay."

Penny gasped, hugging him hard, "I love you."

"I love you too. I just want you to be happy."

A sob bubbled out of her and then was crushed as she broke away from him, unable to meet his eyes as she gathered up her things and turned to leave. Before she did, without looking at him, she looked down at her engagement ring.

She twisted it this way and that about her finger. Then, with a shaky breath, she began to remove it. It seemed reluctant to come off at first, but once it did, she held it in the palm of her hand.

It was an ordinary ring, sort of sad and small, but right now it seemed to sparkle, brighter than ever. She placed it on the coffee table and, while still not looking at one another, they both looked at it.

It sat between them, its' sparkling light a comfort, a beacon, signaling the end of one thing but the beginning of another. But a beginning that would take each of them down a different path than the one they had initially envisioned. A path without one another.

Penny went back to the door, her hand on the knob, her face not meeting his as she said quietly, "You too, Leonard. You too."

And then she was gone.


	13. Chapter 13

**Part 13:** Sheldon

_Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence._ - **H. L. Mencken**

Sheldon swore that he was just getting off the train to stretch his legs. He was relatively sure he wasn't going to stay here. Wherever here was.

He looked around the station and saw a sign reading Santa Barbara but he wasn't positive that that was where he was exactly. For peace of mind, he decided to say it was. Normally he would be far more inquisitive, but it had been quite a while since he had had a good, restful, _complete_ sleep and with his entire schedule thrown, he didn't feel quite like himself.

Sheldon walked around the station, unable to deny the fact that he oddly enjoyed the sensation of new ground beneath his feet. Normally change, well, it didn't _frighten_ him so much as it _irritated_ him.

He _liked_ routine.

He _liked_ schedules.

He liked everything neat and in order and in its place. Clear cut and dry. Predictable. After all, there were several things in the world that were not predictable, that were not explained. It was one of those such things that drew him – string theory. It wasn't explained. It was a mystery. A mystery he was eager to unravel – not only to prove his genius (which, frankly, he didn't feel the _need_ to prove because that was all ready _fact_) but also to answer so many other questions.

To help explain.

To help predict.

To make everything more clear and cut and proper. Neat.

He liked things that way.

He walked over to a nearby newspaper stall, his eyes perusing some of the articles. He didn't touch any of them as the man who ran the stall looked undoubtedly questionable in many regards. However, one particular article caught his eye and he focused on it with a slight tilt of his head.

The article talked about an upcoming science conference and Sheldon found he wanted to purchase the paper to read in depth despite himself. He questioned the man running the stall, his queries ranging from where exactly the man procured his papers to when the man had been sick last.

After all, communicable diseases were called 'communicable' for a reason. The last thing Sheldon needed on top of everything else was to get sick thanks to his unfortunate purchasing of a newspaper.

The man, in his annoyance, ended up practically throwing a paper at Sheldon, announcing it was free if he would just leave. Sheldon had several qualms with this, but, worried that the train might take off again, he acquiesced to the situation. Besides, the article really did look quite fascinating.

As Sheldon read about the conference, he found himself caught on something he had not anticipated. One of the speakers at the conference, who was considered by many to be a ground breaking researcher in the field of atomic fusion, was said to also be working on his autobiography with his wife, Gloria.

Sheldon heard an elderly voice in his mind, _"You know, you're cute. You remind me of my husband. He has a way of talking, all fast and rambling like a brook, makes me think you two would have a fun time chattin'."_

He shook his head, repeating aloud to himself what he had said to her, "Highly unlikely."

"_Ohh, You never know. Life might just surprise you."_

He shook his head again trying to dissuade the idea. No. There was no possible way…

The statistical possibilities…

Sheldon got back on the train and went straight back to his seat. He sat there, looking out the window, then at his watch, and then out the window again. When would they start moving again? What was the hold up? The stops they had made before this had been relatively short so why was this one so agonizingly long?

He didn't like waiting. It was so much easier when the train was humming smoothly along the tracks. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the train map. He unfolded it smoothly, his fingers tracing the lines. They went upward, mapping out the route ahead, the direction they should be moving in. Forward, forward, forward and away.

His fingers floated around the end destination, then back down to where they currently were. Then, they hovered for only a moment, before drawing a line back down to where he had come from. To where she was.

Sheldon calculated the distance in his mind, measured it. He folded the map back up and placed it in his bag. He drew out his journal and flipped through it. His eyes wandered over the notes and equations he had added since the trip had started. They floated over his drawing of Penny and then, further in, the drawings Ben had done.

He blinked, remembering the story he had read the boy over and over.

_Snow White consented and went with him and the marriage was celebrated with great pomp and splendor._

Is that how the wedding would be celebrated?

He could see it again in his mind, a flash of white, the idea of Penny in some fanciful bridal gown, Leonard beside her, everyone smiles and happiness, save for him. Him to one side, confused and bewildered and looking at her as if he had never really seen her before.

The smell of fabric softener and warmth and her voice saying his name and her lips on his.

She had apologized for it.

It had been a mistake.

It had been pity.

It had been madness.

It had been…

Sheldon still didn't know. He still didn't know what it had been, what it still was, and thinking of it now made his heart race when it shouldn't. Why was his heart racing? What was wrong with him? Had he developed some sort of arrhythmia?

His breathing was shallow and quick and he rubbed at his eyes.

_You in love with the girl._

No, no, no.

He couldn't be.

That was ridiculous.

He had known her for years. She had driven him crazy for what felt like longer.

But now the very thought of her…

Sheldon felt as if something wild and unpredictable was happening inside of him. Something terrible. It _had_ to be something terrible. Like a cancer, eating him inside out. And yet his mind went towards more whimsical imagery, something growing, flowers blossoming and butterflies and he hated this.

He felt awful.

He felt sick.

He felt…out of control and feverish and jittery.

Sheldon licked his lips and put the journal away, finally withdrawing the postcards. He had written on several of them. He looked at what he had written and shook his head.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't do this. He couldn't do this.

He couldn't _be_ this.

_This _wasn'twho_ he_ was. Love. The spark…it wasn't within him. It couldn't be. It would ruin everything, just…everything.

But maybe…just maybe…

Maybe he was evolving.

Oh god.

Sheldon thought he felt the train start to hum with life. Were they finally going to move again?

He could just stay here.

Right here.

He could stay here rooted to this spot. He could stay on this train and never, ever leave. Just ride it forever and ever and ever.

Or…

Or?

Or.

Sheldon got to his feet. He spoke with one of the attendants on the train. With all his gathered belongings he got off and stood in the station, watching as the locomotive sped off into the distance without him.

He took another deep breath and nodded firmly.

He had made his choice.


	14. Chapter 14

**Title:** The Crossroads Conundrum

**Part 14:** Penny

**Author:** she_burns1

**Pairing:** Sheldon/Penny, Leonard/Penny

**Rating:** PG-13

**Word Count: **2,434

**Summary**: Future!fic! Sheldon, Penny, and Leonard all thought they knew exactly what they wanted, but with a big change on the way, all three begin to question themselves, and each of them is lead in a direction they had not anticipated.

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended

_It's hard to defeat a woman in love_. - **Destin Figuier**

Penny's stomach still ached, her eyes a bit raw from crying as she parked her car at the train station. She did a quick once over of herself in the rearview mirror. When she was satisfied the tear tracks down her cheeks had been successfully rubbed away, she went inside to meet the others.

Her hands played with one another, fingers idly rubbing the bare spot where her engagement ring had once been. She licked her lips, feeling apprehensive, legs sort of wobbly as she spotted Missy, Raj, and Howard near the ticket counter.

She took in a deep breath and spoke quietly to herself, "Okay. Here we go."

Penny walked over to them, her lips trembling slightly, "Hey, guys, so what have we got so far?"

"Well, the lovely lady behind the ticket counter, Lola," Howard drew out the woman's name, his eyes darting from her and back to Penny, "Says she remembers him as, and I quote, 'that weird, annoying grasshopper-like guy who asked about a million questions before purchasing a ticket'."

Penny waited and when Howard didn't elaborate further she waved at him, "And…? Go on."

Howard shrugged, "That's about it. She said she didn't actually get a chance to sell him a ticket because he was still debating about where to go when her shift ended."

Penny scowled and stomped her foot but Missy placed a gentle hand on her arm, "Not to worry though, she's calling the guy who took over for her. Trying to find out if he remembers."

Penny nodded, "Okay, okay, yeah…it's a good start. How many people did you have to ask before you got this far?"

Raj rolled his eyes and Missy pointed to him, "What he said."

"That many, huh?"

Missy shrugged, "Hey, 's big ol' train station. Lots of people work here. Considering how many people they see a day, I'm surprised we found anybody who saw him, much less remembered him."

"Au contraire, mon frère," Howard offered saucily, "I don't imagine there would ever be someone who _didn't_ remember Sheldon once they crossed his path. He has that kind of effect."

Missy raised an eyebrow, "'Au contraire, mon frère'? Do you even know what that means? 'Cause if you do, then you know you just called me your brother, right?"

Howard frowned, "Really? Huh…no wonder that line doesn't work…better brush up on my French," he eyed the ticket counter again, "Especially for Lola. Llll-la-la-la-Lola."

Missy shook her head, jerking a thumb in his direction, her voice quiet as she whispered to Penny, "Thinking I should break it to him that that Lola tune by The Kinks was about a boy and a transvestite?"

"Nah," Penny chuckled, "Let him try. If she knows, the results could be…quite entertaining."

Howard, who had approached Lola again, quickly discovered that Lola did, indeed, know this bit of pop culture minutiae and her laughter was heard rippling through the station as an embarrassed Howard shuffled back over, "So…no luck there."

"With finding out where Sheldon went?"

"Oh," Howard shook his head, "Oh no, no, I got _that_ info. Just…no luck with Lola."

Missy groaned, pressing a hand to her face, "Howard…"

He held up his hands apologetically, "Sorry, sorry…just…okay, well, he apparently bought a ticket on the Coast Starlight. It runs from here to Seattle, so, they said they'd try to give the train a call. Get a handle on him there. We just…have to wait."

They all nodded, when suddenly Howard looked at Penny with confusion, "Hey, where's Leonard?"

Penny took in a deep breath, repeating what she had rehearsed to herself earlier in her mind, "He's not here. He's not coming."

Howard blinked, still confused, "Why?"

Missy touched Penny's shoulder, expression soft and comforting, "You talk to him?"

Penny swallowed, sniffling, and nodded as she ran a hand through her hair, her teeth worrying her lower lip, which had begun to tremble. Missy returned the nod and held her arms open, "Aw, sweetie, you did the right thing. Come here."

Penny let Missy hold her and Howard looked from one woman to the other, completely lost, "What the hell is happening?"

Raj, who shook his head and rolled his eyes again, went over to Howard and whispered in his ear. Howard's eyes grew wide as saucers as he cried, "What? What do you mean the wedding is off?"

Raj and Missy shared a look and Raj nodded to her as he took Howard's elbow and tugged it. Howard, stunned but somewhat understanding, let Raj lead him away so he could explain in private.

Penny pulled away from Missy, her voice quiet, "So…you think we'll find him?"

Missy pushed a few strands of hair behind one of Penny's ears, her expression hopeful, "I'm sure we will, sweetie. But…might not be tonight."

Penny nodded and Missy looked back at Raj and Howard a moment before speaking again, "Listen, Raj and I have been talking-"

"_You_ and _Raj_ have been _talking_?" Penny asked incredulously and the look Missy shot her then made Penny stick out her lower lip and nod, impressed, "Okay, yeah, sure, right, go on..."

"You and I should go out tonight, you know? Relax a bit. That way Raj and Howard can go back to the building..." Missy rolled her head about her shoulders, trying to think of the best way to continue, before settling on, "take care of Leonard."

Penny sniffled, shaking her head, "I still can't believe it's over."

Missy rubbed her arms, giving her another quick hug, "It was the right thing. May not feel that way right now, but-"

"Yeah, yeah," Penny cut her off, not wanting to talk about it anymore. She licked her lips and tried to sound more upbeat, "Going out for a night on the town sounds good. Let's...let's get to it..."

Missy nodded and, with one arm around Penny, led her over to Howard and Raj. Missy did most of the talking, short, clipped sentences about how they were leaving and how, if they heard anything, to get in touch.

Once that was taken care of, the two girls went out and got a bite to eat and, when buying tickets to a movie, Penny reflected on the strangeness of life.

Here she was, a wedding cancelled, a long standing relationship over, a man she was unsure about lost, and the world just kept on as if not a blessed thing had changed. She wondered if it showed at all on her face, in her movements, how different everything was for her but, as far as she could tell, it did not.

When they got back to the apartment building she stared at Leonard and Sheldon's door. It was quiet and she felt her eyes well up, her head shaking unconsciously, "I ruined everything."

"No, shh, hey," Missy drew her close, hugging her again, "Like I said earlier and I'll keep saying 'till I'm blue in the face...you did the right thing. It hurts, sure as hell, I'm sure it hurts. Stings like a bitch. But if you had married him...honey, if you had married him...that woulda been a helluva lot worse."

Penny sighed and entered her apartment, suddenly, overwhelming, exhausted, "I just...don't know. I don't know. I don't know anything."

"You need to sleep," Missy said softly, and pushed her towards her bedroom, "Go on. Sleep is the world's best medicine."

Penny wanted to say more. She wanted to talk. She had avoided it so much earlier, wanting to loose herself in the nothingness of food and film, but now she wanted to spill her heart out.

She wanted to talk about her fears in regards to Sheldon, her fears about the possibility of never finding him, her fears of what she would do if (when) they did find him, her fears about whether or not she could ever be friends with Leonard again and then there was Raj and Howard and the dismantling of the wedding and...

All of it, the emotions, the thoughts, the possibilities, the what-ifs, they formed a big, black wave rising high above her, preparing to crash down, engulf her, wash her away and she just...she wanted it to be over.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to break something. She wanted...

Her head hit the pillow and she had never been so thankful in her life for the sleep that over took her.

88888888888

Penny awoke to find her apartment spotless.

She blinked and saw Missy sitting on the couch, a magazine in her hands, she didn't look away from it as she said simply, "I took care of the weddings favors for you."

Penny slowly remembered. The little white baskets, the ribbons with the neatly printed gold letters. She walked to her fridge, pulling out the orange juice.

Missy continued, "I also made some calls this morning. Almost everything is settled. The church and what have you. Spoke with Howard and Raj. They did some dismantling on their end as well."

Penny poured herself a glass and took a big sip before sitting near Missy. Missy looked at her, then, closing the magazine, said softly, "Boys are in Vegas. No date when they'll be back."

Penny nodded, then, heart heavy, couldn't help but ask, "Leonard?"

Missy took in a deep breath through her nose, "Good as can be expected."

Penny's eyes welled up and she nodded and she wondered if he hated her terribly. She couldn't say she blamed him if he did. She rubbed at her forehead and forced herself to breathe, "Sheldon?"

Missy closed her eyes and shook her head, "Got some word this morning...you won't like it."

"Lot in my life I don't like right now...you may as well tell me."

"They got a hold of the train, but...he got off. They don't know where exactly. Some say Santa Barbara, others say," Missy rubbed at her neck, "Doesn't matter. Point is, he's gone."

"So...we have no idea where he is. We're back at square one."

"Would seem so."

Penny leaned back in her seat, eyes on her ceiling, "Well...that's that, then."

Missy let out a dramatic sigh and got to her feet, shaking her arms a bit, rolling her head about her shoulders, "Come on. We should go out."

"No thanks."

"Won't help you to stay here and wallow in it," Missy pointed out sharply, "Best thing to do when you're hurt is to keep moving. Move until, when you do stop, you can handle it."

"Missy..."

"I can be just as stubborn as my brother," she warned, "And, if I have a mind to be, just as much a pain in the ass."

Penny shook her head.

"Penny, girl, this is good...in a way...you need a break. You need a break from the boys...hell, a break from men, period. You need to get yourself together. Collected. You need to be you."

Penny sat up, eyebrows knitted together, "I need to be me?"

"Well, sure as shit, you ain't who you are right now," Missy said, "The girl I met, the girl I heard about, is all Nebraska steel and fire. True, I haven't known you for years and years, but that's my guess, and it's as good as any other. Now come on, we're going to go to one of the best places you can go when your life has changed dramatically..."

"Hair salon?" Penny asked with a lazy smile and Missy nudged her, "See? There's that Nebraska girl."

Penny groaned and rolled her eyes before getting to her feet, "Let me go get dressed."

88888888888

The days sort of melted into one another. Penny couldn't say if it had been a week or two weeks but she knew it had been long enough.

Penny felt as if she had not seen Leonard, Howard, or Raj in months and Sheldon, years. Missy stayed and helped and laughed and Penny had never been so grateful for another person all her life.

But, eventually, it was time for her to go and she promised to tell Penny if she heard any important news. She also promised to be back, stating quite strongly that she had found the taste for Pasadena to be to her liking. That and she and Raj were moving rather swiftly along.

Oh, she had done her best to hide it, but Penny could see the bounce in the other woman's step. Not to mention she was doing the amount of text messaging that one only does when a relationship really starts to kick off.

And when she was gone, Penny was surprised to find out how okay she really was. Really okay. At first she had felt sure she would crumple up like a piece of paper thrown on a fire, the only thing left of her ashes and dust, but, as time has a habit of doing, she found herself healed and whole and, most importantly, okay.

She went about her daily life and found herself alone and fine with it.

Then one day she noticed the date.

Everything had been such a whirlwind, such a series of monumental changes, that time seemed to have gone on a lot longer than it actually had. It had really all been just a mere matter of days and now, now..

Penny was at home when she noticed the date. She was actually straightening her room when she saw her calendar, hanging loosely on one of the walls. She ran one finger in a tiny circle around the little number.

Tomorrow would have been her wedding day.

Tomorrow would have been...

She would have been Mrs. Leonard Hofstadter. Just one more day and she would have...

Penny sat on her bed and looked at her hands, then titled her head back and closed her eyes as she took in a deep breath.

She searched her mind and tried to settle on how she felt.

That's when her cell phone rang.

Her eyes opened and she got to her feet, picking up the phone, "Hello?"

"Penny? It's Missy. I know where Sheldon is."


	15. Chapter 15

**Title:** The Crossroads Conundrum

**Part 15:** Sheldon and Penny

**Author:** she_burns1

**Pairing:** Sheldon/Penny, Leonard/Penny

**Rating:** PG-13

**Word Count: **4,805

**Summary**: Future!fic! Sheldon, Penny, and Leonard all thought they knew exactly what they wanted, but with a big change on the way, all three begin to question themselves, and each of them is lead in a direction they had not anticipated.

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended

_True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights._ - **Erich Segal**

Sheldon knew it was probably a mistake to call his Meemaw, but it had been so long since he had last talked to her and he didn't want her to worry. The moment he got on the phone he realized his error, as she tore him up one side and down the other for getting so many people so worked up over his disappearance.

He calmly explained that he had left a perfectly detailed note for Leonard and that his friend should not have gotten everyone so distressed. He also pointed out (quite smoothly) that he was back in the area, only one town over from Pasadena in a rather nice hotel.

"Well, I better give your Mama a call. Her knees are probably bleeding from being on the floor so long, prayin' to Jesus for you to be safe," Meemaw grumbled and Sheldon pouted at her tone.

"It was not my intention to upset anyone," he said simply, "I just...I just needed some time."

"Well, next time you need some time, you better call me first," she said sharply, "Honestly, Moonpie, used to be a time you would come to me for everything."

Sheldon's jaw worked and he rubbed at his forehead, "I know, I know."

"There's nothing in this world that would make me love you less," she said softly, "You understand that, don't you?"

"I do," he returned, voice just as low. He wondered how much that was true. How true could it be, considering his recent transgressions? If Meemaw knew of them...

But she didn't, and, even despite her harsh tone, her affection for him was obvious as she wrapped up the phone conversation, telling him she loved him and that she would talk to him soon. Once she was gone, Sheldon went about wasting time.

He knew eventually he'd have to go home, but for now, for just today, he decided to take a break from his situation. He got himself something to eat, he watched some television, he worked in his notebook and time slowly crawled by, seconds sinking into minutes, minutes dissolving into hours until finally he sat on his bed and, sighing, found himself leafing once more through the postcards he had written.

He inspected each one, then, putting them aside, he got to his feet and looked out the window. It was almost dark outside, the sun setting, the room washed in golden amber light and he felt restless and unhinged and the feeling did not suit him. He wished everything was just over - the explanations, the awkwardness - all that awaited him when he got home.

_It's your own fault_, a voice in his mind whispered to him and he waved a hand in the air, batting at it like some invisible gnat.

Maybe that was true - maybe it was his fault, but what else could he have done? And Penny...she had to take some blame, putting him in this position, making him feel this way...

And that's when he heard the knocks.

They were tentative, but they were still in the rhythmic pattern. One. Two Three.

_Knock._

_Knock._

_Knock._

He waited with baited breath and then her voice was there.

"Sheldon?"

He looked at the closed door of his hotel room as if it were a foreign element. He stood, rooted to the spot, heart in his throat, eyes wide and wondered what he should do, what his next move should be.

_Knock._

_Knock._

_Knock._

"...Sheldon?"

He swallowed, running a hand over his face, fingers clenching and unclenching. Taking in a deep breath, he walked to the door. He held the doorknob - the cold metal almost searing his hand. He wanted to rest his forehead to the cool wood of the door, almost overcome with an inexplicable exhaustion.

He turned the knob and opened the door.

88888888888

The moment Penny had answered the phone and Missy had told her where Sheldon was, she had dropped everything. Sheldon had finally broken down, he had called his Meemaw and the moment he had gotten off the phone with her it had all just gone down the line. Meemaw to Sheldon's mom to Missy to Penny.

Part of Penny wanted to call Howard or Raj or even Leonard but Missy, once more using her wicked intuition, told her not to do it, stating within her call to Penny that she would inform Raj and he would tell the boys.

Penny had wanted to tease Missy about Raj and where that was going but there was just no time. They had found Sheldon, she had found Sheldon, and she just had to get to him - her feet, her car, none of it was going fast enough.

And before she knew it, it all seemed too fast, brakes screeching, everything slamming together with a resounding magnitude as she entered the hotel where he was staying.

Her heart was a vicious animal trying to claw its way out of her chest as she went to the front desk and asked for him. The clerk, a sweet faced girl, shook her head, "Normally we don't give this sort of information out, but his grandmother called, and she was such a dear - not to mention my boss is sort of eager for him to leave. His demands are...a bit demanding."

"Yeah, yeah...that's...that's Sheldon," Penny said mildly, finding speech difficult, her nerves on edge. Once she got the room information she entered the elevator and tried to calm herself.

It was a nigh impossible task though, her feet pacing back and forth, her hands rubbing at her arms, eyes inexplicably watering all ready. Sheldon, Sheldon, Sheldon. She was almost there. She was almost at that moment where she was going to see him again.

The elevator dinged as it reached the appropriate floor and the sound seemed almost deafening as she exited and walked towards his room. She stood there, outside the door, breathless, palms sweating and raised her hand to knock.

Was she ready for this?

It seemed so silly. So much pressure behind something so simple, but then again, nothing was ever simple with Sheldon.

She closed her eyes for a moment and his face came to her mind as it had looked back in the laundry room, what felt like, oh, so long ago. His face expressionless, his blue eyes pinning her down and then his mouth, his mouth, just barely on hers, not drawing away, just waiting...

She lifted her hand and knocked. She knocked as they had always knocked and she said his name - said it in a timid tone, but with something else, an undercurrent of the same feeling she had had that day in the laundry room.

Warm heat and the smell of fabric softener and...

He didn't answer. She tried again. She didn't move. she could just feel it. He was there, _right there_, on the other side of that door. Right there, waiting, waiting just as he had been that day, waiting for her to come that little bit closer...

The door opened.

88888888888

For a moment, Sheldon was blinded by white.

Penny stood there in his hallway, glowing white and for an instant, she was in her wedding gown, looking the picture perfect version of an ethereal princess on her big day, skirts billowing, snowy white and sparkling.

Then the moment was over and he saw her how she really was - wearing a simple, short sleeved white shirt, just that little v-neck to show some skin and regular old jeans. She was just herself. Just Penny - simple, no frills, no fuss, no muss. Just Penny.

She looked at him and he was not 'just' Sheldon. He was different. He looked like a stranger to her. His eyes sort of red-rimmed, his hair sticking up in some places. Oh sure, he had on some black shirt with a robot or something, waffled gray thermal underneath and plain pants but - past that...it was...the air about him was different, almost...

Defeated.

She realized that's what it was, this was how he seemed different. He projected this beaten down, muted sort of atmosphere - as if he just couldn't take anymore. And her heart ached with it. She looked at him, at a loss for what to say. There was so much, too much, and she didn't know where to begin.

Thankfully, he wasn't too drastically changed, as he was the first, as ever, to speak, "Penny."

She found her voice, "Sheldon."

They settled on silence again. Penny shifted her weight from foot to foot, her eyes not quite meeting his, "May I come in?"

He stepped back from the entrance and gave a tiny nod. She entered his room and he shut the door quietly behind her. She looked around his room. It was your average hotel room - nothing special. And yet her blood seemed to be rushing through her system worse than ever, the sound of it pounding in her ears and she looked around, wondering where to sit or where to stand and still what to say, what to say.

He walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it and she would have expected him to take a stiff posture, back ramrod straight but, again, he was so, so different. Sheldon sat and he was sort of hunched, elbows on his knees, head slightly down and she felt awful seeing him like this.

It was as if he was a proud, wild animal that had been beaten into submission. She felt a hand rise up, but to do what she did not know, so it fell and she swallowed thickly.

At last he spoke, "Penny, I wish to apologize to you and Leonard. It was not my intention to cause either of you any undue stress."

Penny blinked, the only words she could find were a soft, "Okay."

"I am aware that it was, perhaps, selfish of me, to do what I did in the face of your upcoming nuptials, but," he paused here, struggling for but a minute before continuing, "It seemed the best course of action at the time."

"I...understand."

Sheldon scoffed at that, the word 'hardly' right at the tip of his tongue, but he did not say it, instead offering, "I am aware of what trouble I have caused, due only in part to my discussions with my Meemaw. Your presence here would suggest you have spoken to her, as only she knew where I was."

"Actually, it came from Missy, she got it from your Mom, who-"

"Ah, yes, the feminine familial chain of communication, it comes to my attention that it is, indeed, quite efficient."

Penny had nothing to add to that.

Sheldon took in a deep breath, "I imagine Leonard will be along any moment to-"

"No, he won't," Penny said quietly and finally, finally, Sheldon looked at her. And it was almost painful. Right then, she could really see how much of a toll everything had taken on him, his eyes, his eyes, so shocked and kind of sad and it just...

She shook her head and looked away from those eyes, her fingers fidgeting with her hair and her clothes, "He's not coming."

Sheldon seemed almost like a bird then, head sort of bobbing as he digested this, and, thanks to his distraction, she took a seat next to him. He finally spoke, "Is he...does he not want to..."

Penny could sense the turmoil building with him, the tension, at the idea of his friend being so mad at him he refused to come, but she quickly dispelled the fear, "Leonard can't come. I'm sure he knows you're here by now, but he's not in town anymore."

"But...I made sure to be back in time! The wedding..."

"There's not going to be a wedding," she said, her eyes on her knees, "Leonard and I...it's over."

She could hear Sheldon swallow and then he whispered, voice close to inaudible, "Is it my fault?"

She shook her head, blinking rapidly to chase away any tears, "No. No. It's nobody's fault."

Sheldon just nodded then, the movement shaky and unreliable and the silence descended on them once more. They both looked at anything but one another and yet Penny was surprised to find that, deep inside, she felt comforted.

In fact, she felt more comforted than she could remember feeling in a long time. She felt...complete.

She didn't know what that meant. Everything around her was broken and terrible and yet...part of her...part of her, felt like smiling. It was like when a big thunderstorm was raging overhead but there was just that tiny peek in the clouds, the tiniest sliver of sunlight escaping out to kiss the ground.

Sheldon must have felt something similar, or, at least, something that brought him closer to a semblance of the Sheldon she knew, as he said smartly, "I met a lot of people while I was gone. In fact, the train I traveled on seemed to be full of after-school special rejects who offered me all sorts of advice and other homespun flimflam."

Penny smirked, "Oh, really?"

He nodded, then, clearing his throat, "In fact, one of them encouraged me to use these..."

He rose to his feet to retrieve something and when he returned and sat back down next to her, easing a little closer, she found herself blushing, because yes, yes, it was strange he was so close, but then, he was himself but he was somehow _not_ himself. He was more than that, he was different, he was...

What was that word they were all so fond of?

Evolved.

He was evolved.

He wasn't the same Sheldon she had first known. He wasn't the same man who couldn't comprehend sarcasm and couldn't fathom life with a girl around. He was like her, even if in a small way, in that time had passed and they had both grown. They were adults.

It wasn't as if they had been children when they had met, but things had certainly seemed different then. More lighthearted and silly and made of canned laughter. But now, things were more serious and to the point, and she blinked when she realized out of nowhere and for no particular reason. that he actually also smelled good. Clean. Like warm soap. Her blush got worse.

Sheldon handed her the postcards and she looked at them. They were very pretty, very old - the antique art on the front of one of them had two cats dressed up for a wedding and she turned it over only to find bizarre scribblings she could not even begin to understand.

Her confusion must have shown on her face, because Sheldon began to explain to her patiently, as if she were a small child, "This is a rather simple mathematical equation I thought would be useful. I have a more...personal one written on this one here," he casually handed her another card, this one decorated with pretty flowers but, once again, the back was covered in numbers and letters that held no meaning for her.

"Sheldon...I'm sorry, but...I don't have any idea what any of these mean."

Sheldon looked miffed and seemed prepared to snatch them back from her, but she drew them close, "Hey, hey! Doesn't...doesn't mean I don't want them," she bit her bottom lip, "I mean...if they're for me."

"Of course they're for you!" he snapped, sounding more and more like his old self, "I used the 'P' to represent you! And Leonard and I are represented by-" Sheldon's words instantly dried up as Penny's eyes met his and suddenly she understood. Very clearly. This was Sheldon's odd way of communicating how he felt. These mathematical equations were his _feelings_.

She looked at them again, now with a keener eye, and, while she couldn't understand the true meaning, she understood the purpose, and was touched by it. This was Sheldon...trying to explain things, even how he felt - through science and numbers.

She hugged the cards to her, "Thank you, Sheldon."

He gave her a curt nod and she cleared her throat, shifting about where she sat, "So..." The words trailed off as she tried to figure out what exactly she wanted to say, tried to find her footing in the conversation that was about to take place, she chose a strange way to start, "Sheldon...do you like analogies?"

"Not necessarily. But if they have some solidarity in fact-"

"Okay, well," she interrupted him, not caring if it annoyed him, just wanting to get on with it, "You know how if you bump into a record player it will knock the needle off the record and cause the record to wobble and scratch and just...not be right?"

Sheldon raised an eyebrow, "I suppose."

She sighed, hating the analogy herself now, but just continuing with it, "Well, the only way to fix the record is to take it off the player and put it back on. That way it can pick up where it left off and be itself again."

"Penny, does this have a point?"

"Lord, I hope so," she muttered, scratching her forehead, then looking at him, she gave a weak smile, "Look, what I'm trying to say is...you're the record and I'm...you know...the one who knocked your needle out of place."

Sheldon looked slightly alarmed, "Is this a sexual reference?"

"What?"

"It sounds like something Wolowitz might say. An innuendo."

"No, no, it's not," Penny moaned, closing her eyes, head falling back in exasperation, "I'm mucking this up! I'm just trying to say you haven't been yourself since that night in the laundry room when we...when I...when you..."

"When we kissed." He said and for once, she was thankful for his directness. She opened her eyes and looked at him, nodding, "Yes, yes. Thank you. That."

"You said you were sorry."

Penny blinked, confused, not remembering this and he said it again, "You said you were sorry. As if," he shook his head, concluding, "It was a mistake."

"Maybe...maybe it wasn't." she returned faintly, looking at him expectantly. His eyes met hers and it was there again, that light, jittery nervous feeling she had felt that day in the laundry room, the one that had motivated her towards him and maybe, had motivated him towards her.

That irresistible, invisible string that drew them closer and closer together and Penny found herself saying, "Sheldon, you haven't been yourself...I haven't been...maybe, maybe if we finish what we started...maybe if-"

And then Sheldon Cooper did something that took himself, and Penny, completely by surprise.

He gently took both of her arms in his hands and drew himself forward, pressing his lips to hers.

Penny's eyes widened, words dying in her throat as his mouth touched hers.

It lasted all of a heartbeat, as he drew away swiftly, his eyes darting about her face, his breath coming out in staccato bursts. His long fingers released their grasp but only just, curling on her skin as he waited, waited, waited...waited to see her reaction, waited to see what she would do, what she would say. His busy, busy mind all ready measuring, calculating-

And then she raised a hand, cupped his cheek and eased towards him, her head titling just so, her lips touching his once more. Sheldon relaxed, but only marginally. His previous kisses had never been something worth while and he was surprised to find himself so enraptured by what was taking place.

It was as much a wonderment to him as when he had first discovered his love for physics and that truly surprised him. Sheldon had always thought that, to feel this way, would be a sure sign that he was lowering his mental and moral standards to that of the common man. And Sheldon Cooper was anything but a common man.

Still, the feelings he found cascading through his system now were nothing short of outstandingly pleasant and he found his fingers not only holding her arms more firmly again but drawing her closer, needing her to just...needing her...

He found himself quailing under so many emotions at once and he didn't know how to possibly quantify them. His mind was exploding with a million different thoughts and formulas and theorems and he was bending to her, willing her to help him, and then it all went to screeching silence as the tip of her tongue dragged gently, lazily, along his lower lip.

Sheldon's mind had never been this quiet.

He had never..._not_ thought before.

But a white, blissful thoughtlessness wrapped around him as she continued tasting, exploring the full curve of his bottom lip, which dropped just slightly, allowing her to dip into his mouth. The warm, liquid tip of her tongue flicked against his, causing a lightning bolt of heat to lodge deep within him.

Penny was coaxing him, her mouth, her movements, he could somehow sense it, her asking him to participate and Sheldon was never one to back down from a challenge, no matter how intimidating.

His hands slowly crawled up her arms, leaving goose bumps in their wake, his fingers threading through her golden hair, cradling her head as he matched her, kissing her back, his own mouth just as eager, just as hungry.

What had started off as a slow exploration was quickly heating up into something Penny had not anticipated. Her hands were everywhere, gliding along his chest and his back and she realized vaguely that she was deep in his arms now, his incredibly long arms, wrapped around her, holding her and this, this, this was what she had wanted. What she had needed. This is what had been missing and it was completely mind blowing.

She looked at him as she kissed him and felt as if everything she had ever known was a lie. This was earth shattering. Sheldon Cooper. Sheldon Cooper was making her feel this way, Sheldon Cooper was kissing her this way, Sheldon Cooper was...

A sound tumbled out of her before she could help it, the tiniest of whimpers and she was sure he'd draw away, but instead it just seemed to spur him on. It was as if he was answering to something within him now, something primal that neither he nor she was aware of.

And Penny wanted it to continue. God, how she wanted to just keep right on kissing him. She could lose herself in this. In fact, she was so close to losing herself. Just ease him back on the bed...

But she knew better and she started to pull away slowly, amused as he tried to follow her, his mindless ardor obvious and endearing.

Her voice was a thick whisper, "We should...we should talk..."

"Hmm?" The sound escaped him and it was the closest she had ever seen him to looking dumbstruck. She didn't know why, but she found it kind of sexy in the quirkiest way.

Still.

"Talk." she repeated, pulling away from him more and more.

He did the same and, naturally, still a bit dazed, promptly fell off the end of the bed to land on the floor in a heap. Penny let out a gasp, then found herself giggling as she tried to ask if he was okay. He looked slightly offended by the whole situation as he got to his feet and that just made Penny laugh harder.

And her laughter...

The corner's of Sheldon's mouth twitched just so, tempted to smile and that just added to Penny's laughter and she felt...she felt so _good_. She hadn't felt this good in...

She couldn't even remember.

She pressed a hand to her stomach, which ached slightly from laughing, and shook her head, "I'm sorry...it shouldn't even be so funny...but your face..."

"My face is comical to you?"

Penny shook her head and patted the spot next to her again, "No, no, I just...sit back down. We should-"

"Talk. Yes. You said as much," Sheldon sat back down next to her, adding under his breath, "Though I can think of much better things we could be doing at the moment."

Penny smirked. Obviously Sheldon had developed a liking for kissing very quickly. Funny. She sighed, "You feel better now? Feel...back on track?"

Sheldon sighed, his head tilting this way and that, "I must admit...it does resolve...certain issues."

"But not others?"

"I will...still have to talk to Leonard," Sheldon said quietly, his eyes avoiding hers again, "I do not see how this cannot be taken as a complete betrayal. Not to mention a breach of our roommate contract."

"I thought there wasn't anything in there about-"

"No, no, not really, but it still seems like a breach," he said sourly, "There's an addendum about stealing each other's clothing and food...supplies...I think this might qualify in that realm."

Penny didn't know how to feel about being compared to _supplies_, but she let it slide, "Well...we'll all need some time. I don't think...I don't think I should just jump into another relationship right away. I mean, I was with Leonard a long time and then engaged and then-"

"I am tempted to kiss you again," Sheldon broken in suddenly, "If, for no other reason, than to get you to stop talking."

"Oh yeah, you're _right_ back on track," Penny tossed out tartly, but not without a bit of a smile.

God, she really had missed him. Even this.

And he was looking at her now. His eyes holding this note of interest they never had before and for some reason it made a shiver shoot down her spine, her lips suddenly warming at the memory of his kiss.

The warmth faded as she shook her head, tone reflective, "I was supposed to get married tomorrow."

"I know. My plan was to not cause any more unnecessary upheaval. I planned on seeing you at the church, I planned on-"

"You can't plan everything, Sheldon."

He looked at her again, "Trust me. I know."

She could feel him looking at her and she sighed, head tilting to one side, "Hey, did you ever see that movie 'Untamed Heart'?"

"Is it anything like that atrocious 'Lake House' film?"

She chuckled, "Not quite."

"Is this going to be another tedious analogy?"

She ignored him, "In that movie, Christian Slater plays this guy who's sort of...special needs...kind of like you."

"I'm not-"

"Anyway, he falls in love with Marisa Tomei and she kind of likes him back but...she's unsure and she tells one of her friends at one point that he doesn't make sense and she doesn't make sense...but together," she looked at him, "together they make sense."

Sheldon didn't answer at first, then, his face serious, he asked quietly, "What happens now?"

Penny looked at him, startled, because she had never thought she'd hear Sheldon ask her that question. That he would show that kind of...doubt and vulnerability, that he would trust her enough to reveal it, was something precious and unexpected. She wished she could give him a better answer then a soft, "I don't know."

Sheldon looked away from her, swallowing, "Okay."

They both sat there a moment, each of them lost in a sea of questions and thoughts when, out of the corner of her eye, Penny noticed Sheldon's fingers flexing on the bedspread.

His right hand, which was very close to her left one, rose slowly. His fingers crawled closer to hers, sort of creeping up like a spider, and then, eventually settled over them.

Penny smiled and adjusted her hand until their fingers were interlaced. It was funny, but somehow, sitting here on the bed, holding hands, everything seemed more real and more intimate and more serious than anything else that had gone on before.

Penny sighed and found herself flopping back down on the bed, her eyes staring at the ceiling. Sheldon carefully lowered himself and did the same. They both lay there, looking at the stucco as if they were stargazing, silently wondering where they were going from here, what roads awaited them.

But, as they held one another's hands, the idea of whatever road they would chose, whatever direction they might take, seemed a whole lot better, a whole lot brighter, together.


End file.
